The Curse Of The Good Girl

The Curse Of The Good Girl

Parenting
"Our culture is teaching girls to embrace a version of selfhood
that sharply curtails their power and potential. In particular, the
pressure to be 'Good'--unnervingly nice, polite, modest, and selfless--
diminishes girls' authenticity and personal autonomy.
The Curse of the Good Girl erects a psychological glass ceiling
that begins its destructive sprawl in girlhood and extends across the
female life span, stunting the growth and habits essential to being a
strong woman. This book traces the impact of the curse on girls'
development, and provides parents with strategies to break its spell."
Even as girls are hitting new levels of outward achievement,
they are inwardly crippled by the stereotype of the Good Girl and its
conflicting pressures. That's the message of Rachel Simmons' The
Curse Of The Good Girl. A girl is supposed to excell in academics
while demonstrating leadership and balancing a menu of sports, clubs,
and volunteering--and make it all look effortless. She is to be
popular with conflict free relationships. Taking risks is taboo.
Heaven forbid she makes a mistake. Of course she must never show
negative emotions.
"The Good Girl walked a treacherous line, balancing mixed
messages about how far she should go and how strong she should be: she
was to be enthusiastic while being quiet; smart with no opinions on
things; intelligent, but a follower; popular but quiet. She should be
something but not too much."
I see a lot of these traits when I talk to UMaine students. So
many women talk about not trying things they might really enjoy
(singing is a big one) because they might not/probably wouldn't be
good enough. Even those who would encourage a friend to go for it
seem to feel they don't have the right to subject other people to less
than perfection.
Simmons shows us that the limitations imposed by the pressure to
adopt a Good Girl persona follow girls not only through college, but
into adult life. Women raising daughters are often crippled by the
very strong pressures to be Perfect Mother (perfect children, spotless
house, perfect body, flawless career/home balance...) Fortunately
there is lots of good advice on breaking free from both crippling
personas.
I'd highly recommend The Curse Of The Good Girl to mothers and
professionals who work with middle and high school and college students.
On a personal note, I had the most amazing Monday anyone could
possibly have. When I went in to UMaine I noticed that there were
paints and plain wood picture frames in Rainbow Resource Room. I
decided to paint one for Jodi. I painted Love You To The Moon (only
the shape instead of the word) And Back in yellow and the background
in blue. I put lots of gold glitter and translucent white glitter on
it. People thought it was beautiful so I agreed to put it in the
LGBTQ art gallery which is today. I read the newspaper and went
outside. There was a group hanging up tee shirts with writing on them
by sexual assault survivors. I drew a rainbow and wrote: Silence
kills. Don't be a clueless bystander and teach your sons that NO
means NO. When I came back in I said I HAD TO get some work done. I
actually started with good intentions. Then someone wanted me to go
out to the parking lot where there was an Earth Festival going on. It
was awesome. I got a free ice cream and got to pet the most adorable
baby goats!!! I got to see a good friend I hadn't seen in awhile.
Mary Ellen and I share a vision of Christianity that involves loving
other humans, the creatures that share our world, and the beautiful
but battered globe we spin through space on and fighting for fairness
and justice. She was very happy that I am so happy in grad school.
She was giving out some shirts and gave me a beautiful long sleeved
blue Voices For Peace one. Every time I wear it I will think of her.
At work I did tables. There were plenty of drag show attendees at
supper and they were telling me how much they loved seeing me in it
and they'd cheered for me and I nailed it. :-) Then I finished the
purrrrfect day in the studio with the best little cat in the world
draped across my shoulder purring in my ear. Today is the gallery.
I'll actually get a few minutes to see it between work and the blood
drive. I have been eating iron rich foods like crazy. In November my
iron was too low. In January my blood was too slow. I hope all goes
well today because I'm working on my tenth gallon and I want to reach
that milestone.
Great big shout outs go out to all involved in my most marvelous Monday.
jules hathaway



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