Raising Ryland

Raising Ryland

Parenting
"'Mom, when the family dies...can I cut my hair so I can be a
boy?'
My heart drops. Time stops. I look at her, but she is staring
ahead--my stoic little child, waiting for my answer. By the
expression on her face, I can see that she understands the
significance of what she's just asked me. But why should we have to
die for Ryland to cut her hair and feel happy, whatever that requires?"
At this pivotal moment in Raising Ryland, author and mother
Hillary Whittington had already been through one huge parenting
crisis. Ryland was over a year old when she was diagnosed as
profoundly deaf. A cochlear implant allowed her to hear. But it took
awhile for her to adjust to a hearing world and catch up with other
kids in language understanding and production.
While that crisis was ebbing another was brewing. Being able to
talk allows Ryland to start expressing her opinions. At two she's
admiring boys' clothes and throwing tantrums whenever Hillary tries to
dress her in anything feminine. She prefers boys' toys to anything on
the pink side of the store aisle. In preschool she calls and draws
herself as a boy.
The night of the hair conversation Hillary has been learning
about transgender children. She's sure Ryland is one. She comes to
the realization that she must do what it takes to make her child
happy. But how would she share this epiphany with her husband, their
respective families, their friends, and the rest of the world?
Raising Ryland is a very important book in today's world. It
will be enormously useful to parents negotiating this relatively
unchartered transition with their children. It also has the potential
to enlighten the communities in which these families live.
On a personal note, Eugene and I made the rounds of stores to look at
washing machines and talk about what features we found most
important. This was a first for us. Always before he chose an
appliance and brought it home. The good news: there are affordable
ones that have the features we want. The bad news: the salespeople
approached Eugene as if I was invisible. How hard is it to say folks
instead of sir? Aren't we supposed to be in the 21st century?
A great big shout out goes out to my sweet little cat who blessedly is
still with us.
jules hathaway


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