All Is Calmish (adult nonfiction)

     I almost didn't request Niro Feliciano's All is Calmish: How To Feel Less Frantic And More Festive During The Holidays. I've skimmed enough of these how to books to anticipate bullet points and dogmatism. And under usual circumstances I feel festive rather than frantic. But almost everyone I know falls into the other camp. So I'm always looking for the exception...

     ...and in All Is Calmish I've finally found it. Feliciano starts by asking readers what we actually remember about the last holiday season. She admits that she generally has to look at the pictures stored on her smartphone to recapture any memories with "a warm holiday glow". 

     She says that few people escape holiday stress. One of the things I like best about the book is that she takes into account the intersectionality of the stress. It doesn't take place in a vacuum. Rather it compounds the stresses that may already be going on such as divorce, financial challenges, or a family member's precarious health. 

     "What if this holiday could be different? What if this year we didn't get sucked into the vortex of overdoing and decorating, overspending and stressing? What if we gifted ourselves a meaningful holiday full of memorable moments of joy--ones that we could easily call to mind, year after year?...And what if we held on to a perspective on what really matters every day for the next month--and try to let go of what doesn't?"

     Feliciano's season transforming advice takes the form of thirty-one conversational reflections. The topics they're centered around are ones most of us can relate to: the numerous holiday great expectations;  the unexpected interruptions that can come at the worst times; the dramas that can spoil extended family togetherness; ramped up anxiety; and really disappointing gifts. For each one she not only gives good advice, but personalizes the reflection with questions. On the one about holiday conflict she asks:

"*What is one boundary you need to set this holiday to preserve your peace or the peace of those around you?

*Who can help you hold this boundary or remind you of it?

*What conflict is not worth addressing this year?"

     My favorite reflection is the one in which she reminds readers of the total messiness of the event we celebrate: the unmarried young teen traveling 90 miles on a donkey only to give birth in a messy, smelly, far from sanitary stable. Nothing about it screams Martha Stewart Live.

     I would highly recommend All is Calmish to just about everyone. I know I found it very thought provoking. I just suggest reading it well before December. OK, I know Febuary is probably a bit much. But how about October? That way it's good advice has more time to sink in. 

On a purrrsonal note, growing up in Beverly, Massachusetts, I really loved Christmas and the events leading up to it: decorating the tree, baking and decorating cookies, going to Boston by train to see decorated stores, visiting Santa... But I noticed that it didn't seem as joyous to my mother who seemed to be obsessed with fulfilling obligations: writing Christmas cards to seemingly everyone she'd ever met who hadn't died, making an elaborate meal for just our nuclear family... So when I became a mom I had a toss the obligations and make the most of the subtle and spontaneous mindset that serves me well today. Then in 2023 a Christmas that had the potential to be anything but was joyous. It was the Christmas exactly 3 months after my stroke. I was confined to home like we were during the pandemic spending most of the time working on basic skills so I could be back in school spring semester. I had no presents to give even my nearest and dearest. But surprises kept breaking in. The librarians kept me supplied with books 📚. Amber gave me kids' ornament kits and an Advent calendar with dear little figures of popular toys. Eugene took me on an enchanting decorated trail and drove around to look at Christmas lights. My best friend, Lisa Morin, took me to a special end of semester event at UMaine where people were overjoyed to see me. On Christmas I finally able to ditch velcro footwear for a really awesome pair of high tops I could finally tie before going to the family Christmas party. And my big seasonal epiphany: I gave my family and friends the best possible gift by being alive and getting better. I did tweak my holiday practices. Now I do my shopping at thrift shops and yard sales and start in January. By Thanksgiving they are ready to wrap and deliver. It makes December so much easier. 

A great big shout out goes out to Feliciano for creating this fine book and getting it published. 

Jules Hathaway 

On a purrrsonal note, I had a truly amazing weekend. Saturday was the family birthday lunch for Eugene which was held at Amber and Brian's. Katie, Jacob, Adam, and Brian's mother also attended. Brian made delicious grilled cheese sandwiches, corn chowder, and low sugar carrot cake. We had a delightful leisurely lunch enjoying each other's company. Amber gave me a beautiful pair of cat earrings. 

Then Sunday was the Orono Community Potluck dinner where Black Bear Mutual Aid Fund was involved. We helped with set up and sold tickets to our Valentines basket raffle. At first people were making Valentines. Then there was the dinner which was delicious. I let myself have one miniature chocolate eclaire which was heavenly. As the official paparazzi I went around taking pictures and getting really good ones. It was definitely an evening to remember. 

A great big shout out goes out to all who participated in both events. 

Jules Hathaway 

     

     

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Operation Valentine

This picture shows what's at the ❤️ of Operation Valentine. A group (in this case commuter students) creates a huge Valentines Day card for a group they value/admire/appreciate (in this case the bus drivers), collects signatures, and delivers the card. Last year started as a pilot project with 2 groups. This year I think there are over 50!!! I never imagined it would grow so fast. I think it can become a UMaine tradition and people agree. For the next two weeks this has to be my major focus. 

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Fight Oligarchy (adult nonfiction)

"...Today, one man--Elon Musk--now owns more wealth than the bottom 52 percent of American households. The top 1 percent own more than the bottom 93 percent. And the CEOs of large corporations make 350 times more than their average employee."

     In other words, because people have enough money to spend obscenely huge amounts on what strikes their fancy--for example $3.88 million on a Star Wars poster--millions struggle to acquire or die for the lack of the absolute basics--food, shelter, medical care... And,  according to Bernie Sanders, the evils of oligarchy go much deeper than the wealth gap. In Fight Oligarchy, a volume the size of my hand and the thickness of my fingernail, he explains the very bad direction in which America is going including:

*what oligarchy is and the evils it spawns;

*Trump's rise to power;

* and oligarchies around the globe. 

     One paragraph in that chapter really was an eye opener for me. 

     "All over the world, hundreds of millions of desperate people are unable to access food, clean drinking water, adequate health care, decent housing, or education. Children by the millions die of easily preventable diseases. Meanwhile, the world's top 1 percent have become $33.9 trillion richer since 2015. That, by the way, is enough to eliminate world poverty twenty-two times over."

     But Bernie wants us to rise up, not give up. 

     "The most powerful tool the ruling class has to protect their interests is to make ordinary people feel powerless. Their message: You are alone and there is nothing you, or anyone else, can do to stop us. We have the wealth. We have the power. We will prevail. Just shut up and get out of the way."

     Bernie reminds readers of times in America's history when injustices were overthrown and gives us a blueprint for what we must do to turn things around. If you're anything like me--extremely anxious about the direction this nation and the world are going in--be sure to put Fight Oligarchy on your reading list.

On a purrrsonal note, Bernie would really approve of Black Bear Mutual Aid Fund which I'm deeply engaged in. It's this wonderful manifestation of community, interdependence, and solidarity that is a needed antidote to the ruthless sink or swim individualism that prevails in America. We raise money for students, faculty, and staff encountering financial crises, build solidarity on and off campus, and do volunteering like our weekly cook and clean at a homeless shelter. Tonight we're part of the community potluck at the Keith Anderson Community Center in downtown Orono (where almost 37 years ago Eugene and I had our wedding reception and where for years I participated in plays and open mics). I'm so looking forward to this. The food will be delish. And because of the friendships I've made during decades of volunteering there will be people taking my dietary restrictions into account. And the lines between town and gown will be erased as people freely mix and mingle. It will be a night to remember. 

A great big shout out goes out to my BBMAF crew and everyone who will participate tonight. 

Jules Hathaway 

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On Guard (juvenile graphic novel)

     Recently divorced parents behaving badly,  having to travel between two different homes, starting seventh grade alone because your former bestie has traded you for a cooler chum--there's a lot for younger readers to relate to in Cassidy Wasserman's On Guard.

     Grace's parents have divorced over the summer. The split is anything but amicable. Grace lives with her father with whom she's comfortable. But she has to spend a lot of nights with her mother who essentially ignores her. And mommy dearest is setting a room up for Grace in her condo so she can spend whole weeks there.

     Meanwhile school is torture. Before their split Grace and Ava had signed up for all the same classes. Now Grace has to watch Ava be all chummy with her replacement, Lana, all day. And she doesn't have anyone else. Her acquaintances are all Ava's friends. 

     Having nobody to sit with in the cafeteria, Grace takes her lunch to the gym. She's in for a big surprise. The school's Fencing Club practices there. It looks like fun. And they're in need of new members.

     With an engaging plot, lively illustrations, and relatable characters, On Guard is a good read, especially for kids facing similar challenges.

On a purrrsonal note, yesterday started out less than optimal but turned out memorable in the best possible way. Tobago woke me up at 2:15 when it was all black outside. Just before 7:00 my ride canceled because of an emergency. Under ordinary circumstances I might very well have decided not to go to campus. But it was the day of the student organizational fair--my best chance to recruit student organizations for operation Valentine. So I trudged my way through knee high ❄️ on the uncleared woods path and tried my best to lose feeling in my fingers waiting for the bus. But it was abundantly worthwhile. I got five pages of organizations. Blew way past my goal of thirty. And people were so thrilled and touched--I could see the enthusiasm on their faces. By mid afternoon when the fair ended I was floating on air. If I play my cards right this could become a UMaine tradition.

A great big shout out goes out to all the wonderful UMaine organizations who have signed on.

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Operation Valentine

Well today was the spring semester student organizational fair at UMaine. There was an amazing number and variety of groups. Good to know there is this level of engagement in Black Bear Nation!!! I just spent the past hours making the rounds and signing groups up for Operation Valentine. OMG!!! I have 5 PAGES of contact information!!! Originally I was shooting for 20 groups. I've way blown by that. And people are so enthusiastic. This could become a UMaine tradition. This is what I wore. Pretty appropriate I'd say.

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How Girls Are Made (YA chiller)

     Mindy McGinnis's How Girls Are Made is a stone cold chiller without a Freddy Krueger, a Jason, a Pennywise, or any other antagonist acting with malice and forethought. No malignant entity lurking in basement, abandoned house, or deep thorny woods. The suspense builds as three teenager girls make choices and decisions in a world more complexly perilous than the one I grew up in or even the one my kids grew up in.

     "...It's not the first time I've had a smashed nose, not the first time I've heard my own bones break, and certainly not the first time my blood has escaped my veins, flowing down my skin. I've been hit a hundred times by just as many people, taking my licks and delivering my own.  

     But I've never been punched by my boyfriend."

     Shelby is a fighter on top of her game. She has a private coach, an agent, and a publicist. She's at least locally well known. When her boyfriend assaults her at school, breaking her nose, she's mandated to attend therapy for victims of domestic violence. She thinks that's bullshit. She's too strong to be traumatized. She's already over Jayden...

     ...but how she experiences and acts in her next relationship really makes this premise dubious.

     "My eyebrows are higher, my cheekbones more pronounced. My ears are smaller and my jawline is a straight, slicing plane. My lips are full and pouty, my nose perfectly shaped and positioned, my forehead no longer a broad eye-drawing mesa. Everything about me heartbreakingly gorgeous."

     Jobie lives on social media, addicted to the rush provided by likes and and comments. The problem is that she doesn't get enough. She has only 2,461 followers, 3,00 of whom are probably bots. She considers herself boring, bland, and basic and resents being cute instead of hot. A computer generated picture shows her the difference a whole lot of plastic surgery could make...

     ...It would cost $75,000. Seems like she'll do just about anything to get her hands on that money.

     "I look at my sister, whose face still holds a little bit of baby fat, thirteen years of life not melting it away yet. I'd seen her getting curious about shirtless boys at the public swimming pool this past summer, and if her official "talk" with mom and dad is anything like mine, it'll consist of them handing off an old romance novel and telling Farrah to let them know if she has any questions."

     Fallon also doesn't have much faith that what passes for sex education in the local  schools to do much good. With good reason. She doesn't want Farrah and her peers to be confronted with risky situations they have no clue how to handle. So she, Shelby, and Jobie create spaces for candid discussions off and online with the best of intentions...

     ...only to quickly find that they're way over their heads. They might find themselves headed to prison instead of college...

     ...or dead.

With it's truly engaging plot and tackling of very relevant issues I'd recommend How Girls Are Made to its target demographic and way beyond--like parents, high school teachers, and guidance counselors.

On a purrrsonal note, today is one of my favorite days of the year. It's my son Adam's birthday 🎂 🥳 🎉 🎈 🎁 🎊. He is such a good man. His dad and I are so proud of him. I'll celebrate by trying sugar free pecan delights.

I'm so looking forward to tomorrow. It's the student organizational fair. I want to get more groups to sign up for Operation 💝. We currently have 20. And I'm super looking forward to Saturday when we'll finally have Eugene's twice postponed birthday lunch and I'll get to see all my kids. 

A great big shout out goes out to Adam, the most wonderful son a mother could have. 

Jules Hathaway 

     

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Joy journal

Eugene had to work again last night. No, it wasn't snowing. He and his coworkers had to load the accumulated ❄️ into dump trucks so they can move it somewhere to make room for the next storm's snow. The snow mountains on campus are taller than me. True 4'9 1/2" is not all that impressive. But next time I'm on campus and have a few minutes I'll get a picture to share. (Today I'm getting work done at home, much to Tobago's delight.) Anyway in lieu of a semi inspiring snow picture here's another couple of pages from my joy journal. 

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