"I haven't decided if I want to tell Kristen about me and Hannah. At first, I wasn't ready to tell anyone about us because being with her, being with a girl, was not something I ever imagined for myself. I didn't know if liking Hannah meant I was fully gay or if it meant I just really liked Hannah, and I wanted to figure that for myself. I was excited to figure it out...But after everything blew up in my face at the end of camp, I'm not ready to talk about our time together, even with Kristen."
Clarity, narrator of Rhiannon Richardson's Sweet Clarity, was a counselor at fundamentalist Christian Camp Refuge. It was her parents' idea. It's run by their church. What could be safer and more wholesome?
Well, something neither parents nor daughter could have anticipated happened at camp. Clarity met a fellow counselor, Hannah, with whom she really bonded. Meeting covertly each night after lights out, they became friends, possibly more than friends. At the end of camp this blew up when they were caught kissing. Now people she's known all her life are shunning Clarity, treating her like she's Satan spawn, doomed to eternity in Hell.
Well now Clarity is starting her senior year of high school. After her summer revelations she's got a lot on her mind.
There's her identity. Who is she attracted to? What will love feel like? Moving forward what and who does she want in her life?
Then there's the ups and downs of her relationship with Hannah. She'd like to keep it covert, still hurting from the incident at camp. Hannah, who is comfortable being out to her family and friends, doesn't like feeling like she's Clarity's dirty little secret. And it's not like they will have much time apart. They not only go to the same school, they're co presidents for a very important school group.
Then there's her relationship with her long time bestie, Kristen, who is now dating a boy they both formerly disliked. Aware that this is their senior year, she's obsessed with double dating with Clarity and a boy named Maurice.
Finally there's her devoutly religious and, as far as she knows, heteronormative parents. Sure that they would not be able to love her if they guessed, she's determined to keep them in the dark.
Richardson had no clue that she was gay until college when she had a crush on a girl and realized no boy made her feel the same emotions. Luckily her best friend assured her that there was nothing wrong with her feelings. Not everyone would accept her but plenty of people would.
"That's what I hope Sweet Clarity can offer someone else: that same lifeline. That same comfort. A reminder that it's okay to be who you are. Some people might have a problem with it--but they are not the only people in the world. They might not even be the people closest to you. But there are people who will love and accept you, and they are closer than you think."
On a purrrsonal note, I'm having a good weekend. The highlight was talking on the phone with my good friend Catherine who graduated and moved back to New York State last May. I am not good with long distance friendships maintained by email. After awhile they feel so stilted Then last night I had the semi brilliant idea of calling her. We talked a half hour and it felt so natural. For the first time I feel that I can keep a friendship alive with someone who moves away. I went to church for the first time since Easter. I spent a lot of time outside reading for the Orono Public Library readathon. I'm really looking forward to getting more flowers 💐 for my garden and getting my sixth cat tattoo Monday.
A great big shout out goes out to Catherine for getting a job in her field.
Jules Hathaway
Sent from my Galaxy
