Berry Parker Doesn't Catch Crushes (juvenile fiction)

     As Berry, protagonist of Tanita Davis's Berry Parker Doesn't Catch Crushes, enters seventh grade other people's crushes are the bane of her existence. Feeling personally immune to them, she can't understand the powerful effects they have on her nearest and dearest. 

     To start with there's her long time bestie. After attending a late summer camp, Lia comes back all starry eyed over Miguel. When she changes from Latin to French to be with him she and Berry have no classes together. And otherwise she seems to have little time for or interest in her life.

     Then there's her solid, reliable primary custodian father. All of a sudden he's becoming a bit too interested in a new middle school gym teacher. 

     Perhaps most heartbreaking is her mother. Although she is away most of the year Berry lives for the August Invasion when Ivy comes to spend a month with her. This year she makes an additional trip to sort through the belongings she still has stored in the garage. She is accompanied by her boyfriend who plans on marriage and moving across the pond to England. 

     This engaging and insightful narrative should be very appealing to preteens, especially those who are experiencing confusing and unsettling changes in their own lives. 

On a purrrsonal note, as you know, I participated in the No Kings Bangor rally. It was inspiring and exciting to see so many people and dogs braving the cold to stand in solidarity. I'll be sharing more pictures. And it was thrilling to see pictures of rallies around the nation and the world. I guess the two big questions are How do we keep building the movement? and What can we do with our individual talents in our daily lives to make a difference?

A great big shout out goes out to all who are fighting for peace and justice through rallies and through utilizing their talents and passions in everyday life.

Jules Hathaway 

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A new Squishmallow

Sunday was a little warmer but quite windy. Eugene and I went for a road trip for the first time in quite awhile. We stopped at a couple of antique shops. Eugene likes looking at antiques. Me not so much. But I had some great conversations with people. And Eugene bought me this Halloween Squishmallow. 

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My friend Margo

I took this picture of her leading a SWell (Student Wellness) event. As you can see, she's totally invested, enthusiastic, and committed to the experience being positive and thought provoking for the attendees. 

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Mattering (adult nonfiction)

    Margo is one of my undergraduate friends. She's fully invested in her work in SWell. She plans events creatively and conscientiously and leads them mindful of the needs of participants. In conversation she pays total, empathic, and enthusiastic attention. She's exactly who you would want as an RA for a first year student dorm. When she texted me the exciting news that she'd earned an RA job for the coming school year I wanted to give her a gift to celebrate her achievement. I chose a journal (she loves journals) and pen to help save memories of her upcoming adventure. 

     Margo loved the gift. She said it meant so much to her.

     I chose to begin my review of Jennifer Breheny Wallace's Mattering with this story because it exemplifies mattering. Her accomplishments matter to me and my support matters to her. Our lives are both richer for that.

     Wallace beautifully and eloquently describes the concept. "On the surface, mattering may seem simple. But dig a little deeper, and it speaks to the most profound complexities of the human experience. Mattering is the story we tell ourselves about our place in the world, as in, Do people value and appreciate me-- or do I go unnoticed? Do I truly belong, or am I moving through the world alone? Does my life make a difference to others, or would it not matter if I weren't here?"

     Wallace considers mattering to be a meta need, second in importance only to the most basic survival needs, because it encompasses concepts such as purpose, belonging, and connection. It motivates much of our behavior. It was evolutionarily hard wired into our species way back when you needed a tribe to survive threats like those apex predators, just like Ben Rein PhD explained in Why Brains Need Friends. 

       Just as Rein is deeply concerned that people are less able to make and sustain the meaningful social connections our brains need, Wallace worries that fewer people have a sense of mattering. In the six years she spent conducting research for Mattering, asking hundreds of people "Do you feel like you matter? frequently the answer was "no" or "not anymore". She feels this loss is behind the rise  in loneliness, burnout, and depression that is endemic today.

     "Mattering is like gravity: unseen but essential. It holds us in place. It steadies us. When it's missing, we begin to drift. We lose our footing and our sense of where we fit. The world feels colder, unwelcoming. The human brain wasn't built for this kind of world."

     Like Rein, Wallace doesn't just lay down the bad news. She goes in depth into the five facets of what she calls the mattering core and ways to cultivate them. I highly recommend Mattering for the human race. 

     You may have noticed I alluded often to Why Brains Need Friends in my review of Mattering. In a case of inter library loan serendipity, although I requested them over a month apart they arrived at Orono Public Library the exact same day. Each gave me insights into the other in a way that was multipliplicative rather than just additive. They go together like peanut butter and chocolate. If you get the chance read them both.

     And for Margo and the other wonderful college students going into residential life positions, these would be highly relevant additions to the summer reading list.

On a personal note, a strong sense of mattering in every sense of the word contributed strongly to my stroke recovery, to my having come as far as I have with optimism for further progress. 

A great big shout out goes out to friends and family members who believe in me, are there for me, and would consider our corner of the world diminished without my presence. 

Jules Hathaway 

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No Kings rally

Lots of people and dogs showed up eager to protest all that's going wrong in America today. This is me holding a sign. So many people driving by honked horns, waved, and shouted encouragement! I really hope that the other rallies went as well.

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No Kings rally

Today was the day of the long awaited No Kings rallies. It was estimated that across America and the worl over nine million people would show up. Bailey and I went to the one in Bangor. This is a selfie of us.

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Why Brains Need Friends (adult nonfiction)

     The summer of '22 I was doing my first (of 3) graduate school internship. It was with the UMaine Upward Bound summer residential program for rising high school students. That summer was the first time the program was in person since the pandemic. When, teaching the students how to conduct research, we got a personality test result we didn't expect. The extrovert/introvert percentage had totally flipped with introverts vastly outnumbering extroverts. 

     Ben Rein, PhD, author of Why Brains Need Friends: The Neuroscience of Social Connection, wouldn't have been surprised. Rein, a neuroscientist who doesn't like using big words when little ones will suffice, has been tracking how converging trends like lingering pandemic effects, rising popularity of distance work, and people communicating on line rather than in person are effecting people's well-being. He's seeing more red flags than you'd find at an ice fishing derby.

     Rein contends that people are wired for togetherness. Way back in the day our ancestors faced considerable perils without the resources we have now. It would take a village to deal with let's say an apex predator red in tooth and claw. Being excluded from the tribe would have been a death sentence. 

     Of course things are a lot different today. We don't have to grab our spears to fight off a saber tooth tiger. But isolation and loneliness are still very dangerous. In fact, when quantified as factors leading to disease, disability, and early death, they outweigh even biggies like smoking. 

     Rein gives us the whys. He takes readers on a tour of the most fascinating organ in the human body, the beautiful brain, to show the science behind brains really needing friends. He uses accessible language, not a whole lot of jargon. He gives plenty of suggestions for ways to get more social connections. 

     If you have a feline friend or a canine companion you'll be glad to know that our fur babies count.

    Basically I'd recommend Why Brains Need Friends to everyone with a human brain. 

On a personal note, on the quiz Rein provides I get the highest possible score for extroversion. I have a huge social support system ranging from my wonderful family and friends to a large portion of the UMaine community. This was really working in my favor when I was hospitalized with a stroke in '23. Rein tells us that stroke survivors who receive the strongest social support show the greatest recovery. I'd say being back in grad school less than 4 months later, performing in a drag show 6 months later, and graduating 🎓 with my masters degree the next year is a damn great recovery. 

A great big shout out goes out to everyone in my beautiful, loving social support network. 

Jules Hathaway 

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