Margo's Got Money Troubles (adult fiction)

     Early in February on campus there was a blind date with a book event. I can resist a free book about as well as precious Tobago can resist a Fancy Feast entree. Rufi Thorpe's Margo's Got Money Troubles was an ideal blind book date for me, combining a truly engaging plot with a look at issues too many choose to ignore. 

     Margo was a very vulnerable first generation student trying to work her way through community college with nothing in the way of support from her separated parents. She was preyed on by a very married much older professor who kept her his dirty little secret. When he got her pregnant and she refused to have an abortion he shut her out.

     Now Bodhi is born and he and Margo are back at the apartment she calls home and in a world of trouble that goes way beyond the challenges of new parenting. She loses her job for lack of a reliable babysitter. Day care is out of the question for a night shift waitress. 

     "How was she supposed to make a living? She was willing to work hard, she was willing to never sleep, to wear an ugly uniform, to be mildly degraded day in and day out. She was willing to do whatever was required. But she needed to believe it was possible."

     Two of her roommates move out, raising her share of the rent. Unemployment won't come anywhere near to covering her living expenses. Her mother, married to a controlling fundamentalist minister, won't help her.

     In her darkest hour she learns about OnlyFans, a site dedicated to all shades and forms of pornography. Through trial and error she learns how to maintain an adequate cash flow while caring for her beloved son.

     Then the shit starts to hit the fan. The married with children professor who had previously wanted nothing to do with Bodhi, even going to the extent of requiring a non disclosure agreement, suddenly is determined to have full physical and legal custody. And he can afford the best legal talent money can buy. Additionally Margo finds herself being investigated by Department of Human Services because of allegations of being an unfit parent. 

     Margo desperately wants to keep Bodhi. But the odds are really stacked against her. It's hard not to root for her. She's far from perfect. But aren't we all?

     In addition to a truly engaging plot and relatable characters, Margo's Got Money Troubles touches on a trinity of social justice issues that should concern us.

First there's the precarious lives all too many single parents and their children live. We can thank Mr. William Jefferson Clinton for that. In the 90s when he was trying to out conservative the Republicans and be TOUGH on everything he transformed welfare from a life saving entitlement into a time limited hand out, tossing countless families to the wolves to be ruthlessly exploited by less than ethical companies with poor pay and minimal (if any) benefits.

Secondly, there's a child "welfare" system focused on removing children rather than providing material support that could keep families together and too often misreading poverty as neglect. There is often an unbridgrable gap between the privileged bourgeois social workers and their oppressed clients. And there are lots of rigid rules with little or no relationship to real child welfare. 

Thirdly there is the way we treat sex workers in America as somehow beyond contempt, as not fully human. Capitalism 100: the rule of supply and demand. But we prosecute workers and let their clients off scot free. What sex workers deserve is adequate pay, and benefits, safe working conditions, protection from abusive and dangerous clients, good health care, and human respect from the rest of us. 

On a purrrsonal note, now that I have enough stamina to work full time I've embarked on my official job hunt. I know it will take awhile. Unlike most of my classmates, I can't move to Illinois or New Jersey or any of the states that aren't Maine. I'm married. And the three higher educational institutions in Bangor are inaccessible because of the limited bus hours. But I've written a first draft of my resume. Career Center will help me fine tune it. Meanwhile I'm working on fine tuning how I'll get everything done when I have a job. I have exercise covered. Thanks to the exercise bike Adam gave me I can get in a half hour aerobic exercise first thing in the morning. I haven't missed a day in 25 weeks (175 days). So I guess that's set. Now I'm working on streamlining my morning and evening routines. Yesterday I was able to create a menu for a whole week. I was so proud!

Jules Hathaway 

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Berry Parker Doesn't Catch Crushes (juvenile fiction)

     As Berry, protagonist of Tanita Davis's Berry Parker Doesn't Catch Crushes, enters seventh grade other people's crushes are the bane of her existence. Feeling personally immune to them, she can't understand the powerful effects they have on her nearest and dearest. 

     To start with there's her long time bestie. After attending a late summer camp, Lia comes back all starry eyed over Miguel. When she changes from Latin to French to be with him she and Berry have no classes together. And otherwise she seems to have little time for or interest in her life.

     Then there's her solid, reliable primary custodian father. All of a sudden he's becoming a bit too interested in a new middle school gym teacher. 

     Perhaps most heartbreaking is her mother. Although she is away most of the year Berry lives for the August Invasion when Ivy comes to spend a month with her. This year she makes an additional trip to sort through the belongings she still has stored in the garage. She is accompanied by her boyfriend who plans on marriage and moving across the pond to England. 

     This engaging and insightful narrative should be very appealing to preteens, especially those who are experiencing confusing and unsettling changes in their own lives. 

On a purrrsonal note, as you know, I participated in the No Kings Bangor rally. It was inspiring and exciting to see so many people and dogs braving the cold to stand in solidarity. I'll be sharing more pictures. And it was thrilling to see pictures of rallies around the nation and the world. I guess the two big questions are How do we keep building the movement? and What can we do with our individual talents in our daily lives to make a difference?

A great big shout out goes out to all who are fighting for peace and justice through rallies and through utilizing their talents and passions in everyday life.

Jules Hathaway 

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A new Squishmallow

Sunday was a little warmer but quite windy. Eugene and I went for a road trip for the first time in quite awhile. We stopped at a couple of antique shops. Eugene likes looking at antiques. Me not so much. But I had some great conversations with people. And Eugene bought me this Halloween Squishmallow. 

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My friend Margo

I took this picture of her leading a SWell (Student Wellness) event. As you can see, she's totally invested, enthusiastic, and committed to the experience being positive and thought provoking for the attendees. 

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Mattering (adult nonfiction)

    Margo is one of my undergraduate friends. She's fully invested in her work in SWell. She plans events creatively and conscientiously and leads them mindful of the needs of participants. In conversation she pays total, empathic, and enthusiastic attention. She's exactly who you would want as an RA for a first year student dorm. When she texted me the exciting news that she'd earned an RA job for the coming school year I wanted to give her a gift to celebrate her achievement. I chose a journal (she loves journals) and pen to help save memories of her upcoming adventure. 

     Margo loved the gift. She said it meant so much to her.

     I chose to begin my review of Jennifer Breheny Wallace's Mattering with this story because it exemplifies mattering. Her accomplishments matter to me and my support matters to her. Our lives are both richer for that.

     Wallace beautifully and eloquently describes the concept. "On the surface, mattering may seem simple. But dig a little deeper, and it speaks to the most profound complexities of the human experience. Mattering is the story we tell ourselves about our place in the world, as in, Do people value and appreciate me-- or do I go unnoticed? Do I truly belong, or am I moving through the world alone? Does my life make a difference to others, or would it not matter if I weren't here?"

     Wallace considers mattering to be a meta need, second in importance only to the most basic survival needs, because it encompasses concepts such as purpose, belonging, and connection. It motivates much of our behavior. It was evolutionarily hard wired into our species way back when you needed a tribe to survive threats like those apex predators, just like Ben Rein PhD explained in Why Brains Need Friends. 

       Just as Rein is deeply concerned that people are less able to make and sustain the meaningful social connections our brains need, Wallace worries that fewer people have a sense of mattering. In the six years she spent conducting research for Mattering, asking hundreds of people "Do you feel like you matter? frequently the answer was "no" or "not anymore". She feels this loss is behind the rise  in loneliness, burnout, and depression that is endemic today.

     "Mattering is like gravity: unseen but essential. It holds us in place. It steadies us. When it's missing, we begin to drift. We lose our footing and our sense of where we fit. The world feels colder, unwelcoming. The human brain wasn't built for this kind of world."

     Like Rein, Wallace doesn't just lay down the bad news. She goes in depth into the five facets of what she calls the mattering core and ways to cultivate them. I highly recommend Mattering for the human race. 

     You may have noticed I alluded often to Why Brains Need Friends in my review of Mattering. In a case of inter library loan serendipity, although I requested them over a month apart they arrived at Orono Public Library the exact same day. Each gave me insights into the other in a way that was multipliplicative rather than just additive. They go together like peanut butter and chocolate. If you get the chance read them both.

     And for Margo and the other wonderful college students going into residential life positions, these would be highly relevant additions to the summer reading list.

On a personal note, a strong sense of mattering in every sense of the word contributed strongly to my stroke recovery, to my having come as far as I have with optimism for further progress. 

A great big shout out goes out to friends and family members who believe in me, are there for me, and would consider our corner of the world diminished without my presence. 

Jules Hathaway 

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No Kings rally

Lots of people and dogs showed up eager to protest all that's going wrong in America today. This is me holding a sign. So many people driving by honked horns, waved, and shouted encouragement! I really hope that the other rallies went as well.

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No Kings rally

Today was the day of the long awaited No Kings rallies. It was estimated that across America and the worl over nine million people would show up. Bailey and I went to the one in Bangor. This is a selfie of us.

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