13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don't Do

Adult nonfiction 

     I first encountered Amy Morin's 13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don't Do when I was helping set up Clean Sweep.  It was one of the many donated books.  My initial reaction was yeah, right.  Over my years reviewing books I've developed a healthy skepticism of self help books or articles starting with numbers.  

     I skimmed it anyway and found that it made a lot of sense.  So I ordered a copy via inter library loan and read it at camp.

     Each chapter examines one disruptive behavior/mindset in depth.  It explores its impact on self and others, using a combination of insights derived from professional literature and personal practice.  It ends with a summary of what behaviors are helpful and unhelpful.  In this review we'll look at three ending with my personal favorite.

     Here's one many women have.  Even those who aren't perfectionists know at least one person who is.  It's understandable in a world where photoshopped models give an unattainable beauty standard, carefully curated social media pictures create a feeling of lesser than in people with regular lives, and there's pressure for women to have it all at once.

     "Much like Shelby, many women think perfectionism is a badge of honor.  But expecting more from yourself than you're able to give is a serious issue that can prevent you from living a fulfilling life.  For many women, the quest for perfection takes a physical, financial, emotional, and social toll on their lives."

     In another chapter we learn mentally strong women don't fear breaking the rules which also include social norms.  Women tend to be more rule breaking averse than men.  It's a difference that's reinforced all through childhood.  Then in adulthood males are respected for behaviors that have adverse consequences for females.  

     "When you break a few rules in life, you'll have the satisfaction of knowing that you lived your life according to your terms.  And even though you might encounter some people who aren't happy with your decisions, you can find strength in knowing you stayed true to your values and acted according to your beliefs."

     The one I'm most jazzed about, though, because it's the one I'm totally rocking is that mentally strong women don't feel bad about self reinventing.  If you spend any real length of time on this Earth you'll probably hit a point where a life style ceases to be functional.  For me this process began as my children became increasingly independent.  The question became, who am I apart from being a mother?

     I thought the answer would involve getting a job.  Only the humungous gap in my work history made just about anything other than retail or fast food unattainable.  I wasn't going there.  Then I heard of this graduate school program in higher education that would be perfect for me.  Only a lot of people didn't share my enthusiasm.  Why risk heartbreak pursuing an impossible dream?  

     I made my decision on a bridge.  Literally.  The bridge between UMaine and downtown Orono.  I knew I might not achieve the degree.  I might not even get accepted into the program.  But if I did succeed I'd be living my dream.  And if I didn't at least try I'd spend the rest of my life drowning in what ifs.

     My very reinvented self is going part time and living my dream.  My advisor says that I am a real credit to the program.  Next May I'll be walking in the graduation ceremony.

     Anyway out of the self help books on the market it's one of the better ones.  So if you're ready for some change in your life it's a good investment.

Jules Hathaway 

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