The Mamas

Memoir 

     "It sounds so self-helpy, right?  Mom group.  So desperate.  So fluorescent overhead lighting.  So awkward folding-chair circles in Baptist church basements, with Styrofoam-flavored coffee.  Women taking polite turns speaking their 'truths' about cracked nipples, nutty grandmas, shitty babies, and FUPAs."

     Anyone who has given birth and brought the baby home knows the feeling of being in uncharted territory on a voyage that's terrifying and exhilarating--sometimes at the same time.  If you're one of us you'll probably find Helena Andrews-Dyers' The Mamas: What  I Learned About Kids, Class, and Race From Moms Not Like Me to be a fascinating and engaging read.  While she faces many of the same challenges as the rest of us...

     ...To breastfeed or not to breastfeed; that is the question...

     She comes to her narrative from several distinct identities.

     She's the only Black woman in a majority white mothers group.  These other moms are a major source of support--people with whom she can share the intimate challenges of marriage and parenting.  But they all tiptoe around the elephant in the room.  They don't see much of what she has to deal with.  And there's the sense that her acceptance may be contingent on not bringing up racism.

     She may be a gentrifier.  True she isn't white.  But she's upper income--one able to spend more on housing in a suddenly chic neighborhood in a way that makes staying in their homes out of the reach of long term less affluent residents.

     She's in the "sandwich generation."  She has to deal with not only the responsibilities and challenges of parenting, but those of her mother in a state of decline following a severe and near fatal illness.

     And then there's dealing with the omnipresent social media.

     The Mamas is a great read.  Andrews-Dyer's voice is candid and conversational.  

     "'Oh, don't worry,' replied Meghan in an offhanded tone that was meant to be reassuring but, filtered through my Black Mama universal translator, was condescending as hell.  'She'll get there.  Remember, you can't compare them.'

     Bitch, what?  The hell I can't."

     But there is a lot of food for thought for white parents like me.  At one point she intervenes in a bullying incident involving Black teenage girls.  White women ask her why she hadn't just called the police.  "A crime was committed.  If that were my daughter, wouldn't I want her protected?  Yeah, of course I would.  Which is why the thought of calling the police never crossed my mind." 

     In other words, some people's protectors are other people's predators.

     Andrews-Dyer has plenty of research to back her musings.  And her bibliography is a great resource for people wanting to learn more about topics she deals with.

     Heck, I'd have read the book even if I hadn't procreated and had no intentions of doing so.  It's just that good.

On a purrrsonal note, UMaine didn't cancel.  While UMaine Augusta, where they probably got half the snow we did, caved.  Which goes to show that school cancellations are often as much crap shoot as exact science.  I made it in which, with my walk to the bus stop, makes me feel like a rock star.  As soon as I finish my commuter lounge office hours I'm going to bus home and enjoy two days of chilling with my cat, staying in pajamas, and not having to leave the house. (Jules)

Chilling with me!  Celebrate good times!  (Tobago)

A great big shout out goes out to commuters and blizzard battlers.

Tobago and Jules Hathaway 

     

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