Queen Bees and Wannabees

Queen Bees and Wannabees

Parenting pre teen and teenage girls can be downright
confusing. I'll give you an example. A friend does something really
mean to your daughter. She's very upset. So you're upset. What
happens the next day? She brings the girl in question home, both of
them all happy and cheerful, acting like nothing happened. Does that
leave you wondering what the heck is going on? You're far from alone.
Fortunately Rosalind Wiseman's updated Queen Bees & Wannabees
covers just about every situation imaginable. She walks us through
the everyday realities of young women's social worlds: uses and
misuses of technology, roles (I.e. Queen bee, sidekick) within
cliques, pressure to conform to stereotypes, teasing and bullying,
competition over boys... She wants to enable us to help our daughters
utilize the experiences in their lives to grow into confident,
socially competent, empowered, and ethical adults. She gives out very
good information.
What I like the most about this very empowering book is the
angle wiseman takes. She realizes that some parents, learning of an
incident, will be horrified and ready to explode into action to STOP
IT NOW while others will think, oh she can handle it; no big deal.
Neither approach is particularly useful. Girls need us to really
listen and offer guidance and support, but not take over. "It's very
hard as a parent to hold your tongue when you see your daughter being
used or mistreated in power play situations. You'll be sorely tempted
to tell her what to do and summarily banish the mean girls who
steamrolled her heart. But remember these situations give her a
chance to test her own strength, hew to her own standards, and affirm
her self-sufficiency." We are the coaches and she is the player. We
have to look beyond the incident or situation, messy and unpleasant as
it may be, and keep our eyes on the ultimate goal.
Wiseman's emphasis on mindfulness and her candor may not always
be comforting. Among other things we learn that:
1) Our child is not always the innocent victim. The same child can be
bully, victim, and bystander in different situations.
2) Baggage we bring from our own youths can color how we interpret the
events of our children's lives. A parent who was teased mercilessly
for being overweight can find the possibility of this happening to her
daughter very upsetting.
3) We aren't always so innocent. If we gossip a lot and our daughters
gossip a lot, could they be learning this behavior as much at home as
from peers?
However, I recommend sticking with the book even when it's difficult.
If bringing up daughters to be responsible, competent, ethical, and
empowered adults is not truly crucial, I don't know what is.
On a personal note, I am as anxious as a long tailed cat in a room
full of rocking chairs. Orono Public Library can now hire a 20 hour a
week librarian for teens. I would LOVE that job. I know given the
chance I could do it. Not to mention that when you have a disability
that makes it impossible to get that all important drivers license but
does not fit a category that would require accomodations, getting a
decent job that requires intelligence is very difficult.
A great big shout out goes out to my church family and friends for
praying for me.
Julia Emily Hathaway




Sent from my iPod