Battle Hymn

Battle Hymn

My first reaction to Amy Chua's Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother
was to thank God that he had not given me one. One of three things
would have happened.
I would have starved myself to death. I don't do well with pressure
for perfection.
I would have been kicked out of the house before I finished high school.
The department of children's services would have started paying visits.
Chua wrote about raising her two daughters Chinese style.
Academics are everything. A- constitutes a bad grade. Being top
student is essential. Events like sleepovers, play dates, and school
plays are distracting time wastes. Happiness is overrated. Left to
their own devices kids will make poor choices and disgrace the family
so parents must make and enforce decisions and be treated with total
respect. I mean this is a woman who could give lessons to marine
drill sergents.
In contrast there are the decadent Western parents (of which I
am a prime example). We encourage our children to discover and follow
their passions. We praise them for grades like B. We don't
constantly nag and scream. We think of childhood as a special,
fleeting time to be cherished by parent and child alike. We even
allow for time wasters like play dates and sleep over parties.
Chua's first daughter brought into her philosophy and way of her
life. Her second daughter introduced an element she never thought she
would experience: open defiance and rebellion. Battle Hymn of the
Tiger Mother is a poignant look into family dynamics and what it's
like to hold onto and enforce a value system at odds with the world
around you even when it carries the risk of permanently alienating a
child you adore. Even if you keep thinking OMG every few pages, it is
an insightful and totally worthwhile literary journey.
On a personal note, I was horrified as I read most of the book. Then
when I read Chua's answer to people who ask if she pushes her girls
for their sake or hers I felt sad for her. "...so much of what I do
with Sophia and Lulu is miserable, exhausting, and not remotely fun
for me. It's not easy to make your kids work when they don't want to,
to put in gruelling hours when your own youth is slipping away, to
convince your kids they can do something when they (and maybe even
you) are fearful they can't. 'Do you know how many years you've taken
off my life' I'm constantly asking my girls..." Holy Hannah. As one
who finds true joy in child raising, depths of bliss that I could not
imagine before becoming a mother, I can't help feeling sorry for her
and her kids.
A great big shout out goes out to people who somehow survive parents
who accept nothing less than perfection.
Julia Emily Hathaway


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