If I Can Give You That

YA fiction 

     "But the other times--when she can't help crying, when the TV sits on until it becomes a permanent buzz, when my arm goes numb where she's been leaning against me for hours--when she gets like that, it's always scary.  It always feels like it's going to be the thing to push her into some greater sadness, something I can't pull her back from."

     In If I Can Give You That Michael Gray Bulla tackles a topic one rarely sees addressed in YA fiction although it's a situation many teens and even younger kids have to cope with:  parental chronic mental illness.  Years ago I knew a girl who had to keep her quite unstable and substance using mother from getting in trouble while taking a great deal of responsibility for her younger siblings.  One day the girl commented that she'd never become a teen mom because kids are a lot of work.

     She was eleven.

     She reminded me of Gael, Bulla's protagonist.

     "Sometimes I wonder if my mom realizes just how much I worry about her.  Maybe she doesn't notice how much of my time I spend analyzing her behavior, looking for any signs of feeling better or worse or nothing at all, scrutinizing all her comments and looks and tones so I don't miss something crucial."

     Gael's parents had divorced after his mother found out that his father was cheating on her with a neighbor.  He has for the most part given up on people,  convinced that they'll either leave you or hurt you.  So why bother.  In school he keeps to himself...

     ...until a slightly older friend who, like Gael, is trans brings him into Plus, an LGBTQIA+ teen group.  He becomes attracted to Declan, a gay teen who seems to reciprocate his feelings.  Gael isn't sure how to navigate a relationship that he desires and dreads at the same time or whether to even bother...

     ...isn't it just a matter of time before Declan moves on, leaving him behind?

     This truly engaging book is a must read for teens with mentally ill and/or substance abusing parents and the friends who care about them and don't know how to help.  It can also be an excellent summer read for professionals who work with teens.

On a purrrsonal note, with me it was my father.  I'm sure looking back that today he would have been diagnosed as bipolar.  Alcohol also played a major role.  When I was Gael's age the visits that I (but not Harriet) had to make often turned terrifying.

A great big shout out goes out to Bulla for giving kids who take care of parents representation and hopefully starting much needed conversations.

Jules Hathaway 

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