Forever Is Now

Juvenile fiction 

"One officer draws his gun, screams:

          GET BACK!

The other officer tackles 

     the girl down     down 

     her face smushed against the pavement 

     her hands twisted into cuffs

     his knee on her back."

     One of the greatest advances in YA and juvenile literature in recent years is the introduction of protagonists with mental health challenges.  Mariama J. Lockington's Forever Is Now is a powerful addition to this important sub genre.  Sadie has been diagnosed with general anxiety and, more recently, agoraphobia.  Even in the best times the endless what ifs--worst case scenarios--her mind generates keep her from doing things she really wants to and keeping promises to people she really cares about.

     But these aren't the best times.  Sadie's girlfriend, Aria, the one person who made Sadie feel safe, who was able to help her with panic attacks, breaks up with her.  

"We're still young.

I'm not sure we should be limiting ourselves 

          you know?

I mean it's summer and we're about to be juniors 

     let's just kick it, be cool

     not put any labels on this, okay?"

Then as the conversation is awkwardly wrapping up they hear a commotion.  A Black girl has saved a pug.  It's white owner is accusing her of stealing it.  She's called the 👮‍♂️. 

Of course you know who the 👮‍♀️ s side with.  

     Sadie is planning on going to a protest about the incident with her best friend, Evan.  She's dressed and ready when he pulls up.  Then she freezes, unable to manage the nine steps from her house to the streets below.  What ifs flood her head.

     Sadie desperately wants to be part of the protests against 👮‍♂️ brutality against Blacks.  She also feels her family's wanting her to not lose out on so much of life's possibilities as pressure.  But what can you do when taking a bus, walking around the block, or even going into your own backyard feel like gargantuan challenges you're not equipped to handle.

     Lockington herself lives with anxiety and panic attacks.  No wonder Sadie is so authentic.  Her internet sharings, which she calls Dispatch from Insomnia Garden, are especially raw and revealing.  I highly recommend Forever Is Now to people with anxiety diagnoses and our loved ones.

On a purrrsonal note I can't imagine what it would be Black and have anxiety in this racist as fuck society.  Especially as a parent who has never had to have the talk with my kids.

I was 70 when I received my own anxiety diagnosis.  It actually was a relief.  It explained why doing some things that logically I thought I should be capable of felt terrifying and impossible and at times led to strong visceral reactions and insomnia.  It also gave me the words to explain myself to loved ones.  In the ensuing little over a year and a half I've developed some good strategies.  But I'm still now and then blind sided.

A great big shout out goes out to Lockington for her insightful narrative centered around the intersectionality of Blackness and anxiety.

Jules Hathaway 

     

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