Girl, Stop Apologizing

Girl, Stop Apologizing

Adult nonfiction
"If every woman who heard that what if in her heart allowed it
to feed the flame in her belly to pursue who she might be, not only
would she shock herself with what she's capable of, but she'd astound
everyone else as well. I'm convinced that if she--if we--just lived
life in pursuit of that question, the effect on the world around us
would be atomic."
Do you have a dream that stays just that--a dream? You aren't
any further along in its pursuit than last year?
There's no denying that it can be a real challenge to take a
dream from fantasy to real life. Getting where I am today was no walk
in the park. I had to get myself accepted into a competitive graduate
school program when I'd been out of school for decades. People
thought I was selfish or out of my mind. Then I had to find a way to
earn the money to bankroll my tuition, fees, and books. Computer
skills were and continue to be a struggle, as you'll see in my
purrrsonal note.
Outside forces aren't the only challenges we face when we set
life changing goals. Sometimes fears, self doubt, internalized
negative messages, and the desire to please others (or at least not
rock the boat) can sabotage our best intentions. Rachel Hollis,
author of Girl, Stop Apologizing, knows about all of the things that
can stand in the way of dream chasing. Writing with a balance of
directness and humor, she cuts them down to size. Addressing the fear
of not being wired to be goal oriented, she says,
"The thing is, I totally understand why you'd think that. If
you didn't come into the world already having mastered something it
was just never meant to be. Walking, speaking, eating solid foods
without choking to death, driving a car, spelling, using a computer--
all of that was just naturally a part of 'who you were' from birth,
right?"
Hollis divides her tutorial into three sections. The first
debunks a wide range of excuses: Not enough time, I'm not enough to
succeed, Fear of failure... Any of these sound familiar? What will
they think? is especially timely in a world where we're subject to the
opinions not only of family, in-laws, friends, and frenemies, but to
those of Internet critics with far too much venom and time to mind
other people's business. The flow chart on the relative weight of
other people's opinions is priceless.
The second section covers behaviors to adopt such as asking for
help and not asking for permission. My favorite chapter is the one on
learning to say no. It's a very good word with a bad reputation.
We're brought up to think it's selfish. So yes becomes the default
response. I know too many intelligent professional women who say yes
through gritted teeth while mentally berating themselves. Learn to
say no loudly and unequivocally. Last year someone asked me to return
to school committee. I think "Hell, no!" got the point across.
The third section describes skills to acquire. Persistance is
my favorite of the bunch. Most of us have to rock that quality to get
where we want to go. We can't let set backs and challenges deter us.
According to Hollis, "A goal is a dream with its work boots on.
A goal is a dream you've decided to make real. A goal is a destination
you're working toward instead of an idea you're only considering or
hoping for..." If you're ready to turn your dream into a goal Girl,
Stop Apologizing can be a great source of advice and inspiration.
On a purrrsonal note, computers continue to be a challenge for me.
You know how UMaine classes are now virtual? My class is going to use
something called zoom. We're going to try it out tonight to get ready
for next week. I'll be at home with no tech support. And the
professor has said something about working out glitches. My gut is
saying, if I have to wade out of my comfort zone, can't it at least be
into glitchless turf? But I'll be navigating the abyss along with my
classmates who have some clue what they're doing.
My daughter, Amber, has told me that Mathilda, my computer, can save
me from a very bad fate: running out of books to read while stuck at
home. She says Mathilda can connect with Fogler Library and enable me
to borrow and read ebooks. Maybe that could work with Orono Library
too. I thought you needed those kindle things to download books. As
of last night my before bed book reading time is now HAPPY HOUR! It
gives me something to look forward to all day.
My big achievement yesterday was making mac and cheese that was so
good Eugene took seconds. (Jules)
It sneaked up on us last night when it was too dark to see out the
windows. This morning everything is covered with that white snow
stuff. One of my hoomans is put plowing it. Didn't mother nature get
the memo that's it's spring now? How can birdies migrate back to
this? (Tobago)
Tobago and Jules Hathaway



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