Act Natural

Act Natural

Adult nonfiction
"Much of what we [21st century parents] do, in fact, other
parents would never consider. The things we take for granted as
normal and natural strike parents in other parts of the world as
absurd and dangerous, as wrong as letting your toddler play with a
machete, which by the way, some Congolese parents do. And as
horrified as we are by their methods, they are by ours. Playing with
knives is one thing, but putting your child asleep alone? That's
child abuse."
As exhausted parent of two very young children, Jennifer Traig,
quoted above, found herself learning that many contemporary American
childraising practices range from inane to bizarre. A lot of us have
had that epiphany. Traig, however, did something with it. She
conducted extensive research on parenting practices through time and
around the world. The fruit of her labor is the amazing Act Natural:
A Cultural History of Misadventures in Parenting. Don't let the word
"parenting" in the title deter you. There are plenty of people with
no interest whatsoever in procreating to whom I'd recommend this
excellent book.
You see, I've read many scholarly books. I've read many
bitingly humorous books. Before Act Natural I'd never seen the two
genres combined so seamlessly. Except for sleeping (which makes
reading impossible) and showering (which makes it not such a good
idea) I read the book cover to cover without putting it down. I
startled quite a few fellow bus passengers by repeatedly laughing my
head off.
Anyway, if you've been a child, brought children into the world
or plan on doing so, or just wondered why our parents and other
ancestors followed what may seem like really bizarre practices, I
think you'll find Act Natural to be a must read.
On a purrrsonal note, this is the last day of October break for me.
Well technically tomorrow is. But I have two meetings in regard to
separate academic class projects. Anyway I was going to have a
fabulous thrift shop expedition with a friend. Only first thing I saw
this morning was a email from my friend that she couldn't make it. I
thought, oh, well, more time for studying. For maybe five minutes. I
could make a Goodwill run myself and stop at Hannaford to get the
ingredients to make Eugene a surprise molasses cake. He did give me a
really special day yesterday. It was a good thing I did. I got all
kinds of cat and unicorn and Halloween stuff really cheap. Also
splurged a little on sweets at Hannaford. When I got home I could not
find the cookbook with my mother-in-law's molasses cake recipe.
Internet to the rescue. I found a recipe with what looked like
similar ingredients.
A great big shout out goes out to bangor Goodwill workers who keep the
store so fabulous and Eugene who I hope will enjoy his molasses cake.
jules hathaway



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Blended

Blended

Juvenile fiction
"It's Sunday. I hate Sundays. I hate, hate, hate them. Even
when I'm a wrinkled old lady, Sunday will always remind me of a worn,
gray, fake-leather sofa at the mall. It's where Dad sits to wait for
me when it's his turn for custody for the week. Mom waits on the same
couch on the opposite week. The stupid sofa never changes--just the
faces of the grown-ups who come to claim me. I'm pretty sure my
parents hate Sundays too."
I'm sure any of us who are parents with shared custody or were
children mandated to split loyalties between two very different
households can relate to the thoughts [quoted above] of Isabella,
protagonist of Sharon Draper's Blended. Her parents have grown apart
and split up. For awhile her father lived hundreds of miles away.
Visits were few and far between.
Now Isabella's dad and his new family have moved to her home
town. Visitation rules have been renegotiated in court. She has a
separate room, wardrobe, backpack, nickname, and persona in each
household. And often at the drop off point or when they have to
interact by phone her parents behave very badly.
Family isn't the only complexity in Isabella's life. Her father
is black; her mother is white. People describe her as blended. She
is very unsure of what that makes her.
And then a black friend finds a noose in her gym locker.
Once again Draper has hit it out of the ball park with a story
that younger readers will find captivating and thought provoking.
On a purrrsonal note, yesterday [Saturday] I was going to study all
day. But then I went to the hospital to see my mother-in-law. So
today I was going to study all day. You know what they say about the
best laid plans. When I woke up my partner wanted to know if I wanted
to go to Dennys for breakfast and then for a ride. School is a
priority but so is family. We had an awesome breakfast. I had
pancakes with banana cream and warm salted caramel sauce. Heavenly.
We drove around Maine enjoying the fabulous fall foliage. At
Greenville I bought a card with a jeweled butterfly pin that says my
wings already exist; all I have to do is fly for my studio. That
describes my life apart from missing Joey cat. We saw a bunch of cute
young turkeys. We saw some amazing classic cars from the 50s. I
talked to the drivers. We got sandwiches and chips for lunch. Closer
to home we got ice creams at a place that was about to close for the
season. It was a very good day.
Tomorrow? No promises.
Great big shout outs go out to Eugene and to the best little cat in
the world who I wish I could have come home to.
jules hathaway


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Hey, Kiddo

Hey, Kiddo

YA memoir
Jarrett J. Krosoczka's graphic novel memoir, Hey, Kiddo, is
simply one of the best literary marriages of form and function that I
have ever seen. It's an exemplar of show, don't tell. Evocative
pictures and sparse text convey much more nuance than either alone
would. An unusual palette of greys and browns creates backgrounds
that do not detract from the facial expressions of the characters.
Krosoczka's life did not get off to a propitious start. He was
born out of wedlock to a mom who didn't make responsible decisions.
(His dad was not in the picture.) In fact her choices were so poor his
grandparents were able to get custody and raise him. At one point,
after a Disney vacation, they told him his mom was a drug addict in
prison.
Krosoczka was careful to keep his home life separate from his
school life, embarassed at not having the normal family life he was
sure his classmates did. His book will be an affirmation of not
aloneness for so many kids growing up whose lives don't match what
they see on television shows and social media. For this reason it's a
must acquire for school and public libraries.
On a purrrsonal note, Friday was the bitter two month anniversary of
the day I saw the life light fade from Joey cat's loving amber eyes
and felt him stop breathing and watched Eugene bury him near a
sheltering tree under a cotton candy pink sunset. But some good
things did happen to somewhat assuage the brokenness I was carrying
around inside of me. I cashed in more cans and bottles for my
emergency fund. I found an anthology of indiginous literature from
Maine that I'd been trying to locate at the library. The call came
out for proposals for the international conference I'll be going to in
March. I am going to try to do a poster presentation there about the
unique partnership UMaine Dining Services has with Black Bear
Exchange. I was one of the volunteers who processed this week's
Dining Services contributions (put them in smaller containers) for
BBE. That was over 400 pounds of really good food. I got some really
nice photographs of red leafed bushes and fall flowers. And a person
in a dinosaur costume gave me a free shirt that makes a great night
shirt. I had someone take my picture with the dino so people wouldn't
ascribe that encounter to my imagination.
Great big shout outs go out to Dining Services, the other volunteers
who processed the food, the shirt giver in the dino costume, and the
best little cat in the world who is gone but very much not forgotten.
Also to you, my dear readers, with best wishes for an awesome
Indiginous People's Day.
jules hathaway


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Halloween Crafts

Halloween Crafts

Juvenile/family nonfiction
Do you remember how, when you were a child, it took forever for
Halloween to arrive? Today's kids don't have any more patience than
we did back in the day. The right crafts will help pass the time,
create special memories, and help create a spooktacular ambiance when
the big day arrives.
Fay Robinson's Halloween Crafts serves up a bunch of creepy
crafts that are purrrfect even for kids and families on shoestring
budgets:
*an old black sock is the base for a bat puppet;
*pipe cleaners, glue, and google eyes combine to form hairy tarantulas;
*a disembodied hand takes shape from a disposable glove,
and those are just a few of the seasonal crafts.
I recommend this fine book for families and youth group leaders.
On a purrrsonal note, here's a craft my kids taught me years ago that
can come in handy for parties or other gatherings. Cover tootsie pops
with kleenexes, using rubber bands to secure them. Draw little ghost
faces. Cute, fast, and cheap.
One regret I have is never getting around to producing a
Halloween story on tape with special effects with my kids. Every time
I tried something came up. Then they went and grew up. I haven't
given up on the project. I may just have to do it off season with
some of my techie undergrad friends. Now that's another family
project you might want to try.
Don't forget that for more sophisticated projects my daughter's blog
is the place to go.
http://amberscraftaweek.blogspot.com
This Halloween will be a sad one for me. For years Adam, Joey cat,
and I gave out candy to trick or treaters. We'd watch X Files
episodes for ambience. Then it was Joey and me. I'd read books with
him in my lap. I incorporated Joey into my costumes. Like if I was a
witch he'd be my familiar. I can't bear the thought of handing out
candy without the best little cat in the world this year. I think
I'll stay on campus for whatever student activities comes up with.
Great big shout outs go out to my crafty daughter Amber and the best
little cat in the world.
jules hathaway



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Period Power

Period Power

YA/adult nonfiction
Back when I was in high school we girls [back then I didn't know
the name for gender fluid] were culled from the freshperson herd for a
series of special classes. We had to memorize a hormone cycle and a
series of strange tips such as keep your legs closed enough to hold an
aspirin between your knees and if a boy wants you to sit on his lap
lay a phone book down first. Kotex gift packages were given out
during the final class. A girl ventured to ask, "Does this have
something to do with my period?" You see the words period and
menstruation had not been mentioned once even though this was what the
class was all about.
Nadya Okamoto, author of Period Power: A Manifesto For The
Menstrual Movement [gotta love all that alliteration] shows us that
the times are not all a changing quickly enough. Menstruation is
still for much of society the kind of taboo topic where off color
jokes are tolerated but accurate information is considered off
limits. I totally love the book for the following reasons:
1) There is a wealth of information for current and future
menstruators. The menstrual cycle is described in all its
complexity. Details (like what the blood will feel like) that are too
often ignored are included. A wide range of period products are
discussed.
2) There is acknowledgement that CIS women aren't the only ones
who menstruate. My transgender brother menstruated. There is a very
helpful discussion of what sex and gender really mean.
3) Climate change and sustainability are taken into
consideration. Just the sheer amount of period products [Okamoto
cites "12 billion--that's billion with a B--pads and seven billion
tampons] that end up in landfills each year should get us talking.
And there are all the deliterious effects of plastic componants that
take forever to decompose.
4) This one is my personal favorite. Readers learn that for
many people, because of cost, safe menstrual products are not
accessible. We're not just talking third world countries. In America
homeless and poor menstruators either use products way too long to the
point of danger or substitute inappropriate substances.
5) Readers are told that these problems aren't someone else's.
All of us need to be talking about periods, normalizing period talk,
and pushing for solutions to serious period problems. Throughout the
book there are great ideas for doing so.
Hoewever, at a number of points I felt sad and discouraged. I
was seeing red when I read the following paragraph:
"In the women's movement, we are seeing more inclusivity being
stressed, in order to avoid whitewashed feminism, and there are
conversations to be had in breaking down the gender binary as well.
As we enter the community of fourth-wave feminism--that is more
inclusive of those beyond the gender binary, of all races, and of all
socioeconomic backgrounds--we have to acknowledge how Intersectional
gender inequality is an an issue and push forward as a diverse and
beautiful movement toward total gender equality."
Where do I even begin? In the interests of total
intersectionality we also need to break down the age binary [the young/
the old] that is no more real than the gender binary. Assuming that
anyone who can't be described as "young" is beyond the old expiration
date is as wrong as assuming that younger people can't be leaders or
managers. [I call the latter bullshit whenever I encounter it.] Age
is a continuum; after drinking age chronological age means little
beyond how many candles to put on the cake.
I just turned 68. I am beautiful, bold, and badass. I have no
problem saying period even in church. To get people talking about
other difficult issues I've written opinion pieces for the Bangor
Daily News, sharing experiences like my abortion and my rape with tens
of thousands of readers. I'm drag royalty at University of Maine. I'm
gender fluid in a world that considers that term an adjective for
youth. I'm enrolled part time in a masters program in higher
education student development. I scrub gross pots, get covered in
crud in dishroom, mop floors, serve food, and wipe tables to bankroll
the privilege of studying my ass off because my fierce passion is
helping students including those "beyond the gender binary, of all
races, and of all socioeconomic backgrounds" to survive, thrive, and
work for a better world.
Doesn't achieving that better world require the energies of all
of us who see the light and feel the passion?
On a purrrsonal note, Coming Out Week was awesome at UMaine. My
favorite event was the drag pageant. I was one of the contestants of
course. First we had the runway part. My song was Ruby Tuesday by
the Rolling Stones. I was on fire--owning the song and the space--
feeling the pure joy of interpreting an awesome song for a very
appreciative audience. I was in seventh heaven. Then we had
intermission and the talent part. I read a poem I wrote trying to
help people see themselves as gorgeous and sexy like I do. We had a
second intermission. Then we each answered a question. In theories
class we've studied Kimberle Crenshaw's intersectionality theory. I
brought it right into my answer, explaining it in a way non grad
students could understand. I can't put a boundary between what I
study and the rest of my life. After the show people were talking and
taking pictures. I helped clean up. I was so psyched. Very few
people get the opportunity I had to be free, fearlessly creative, and
loved. I was also happy that my BFF Jodi and several of my theories
classmates were there for me.
Oh, yeah, I've changed my drag name. It used to be Too Cool Jules.
When Joey died it began to feel so frivolous. So now I perform as
Joey's friend.
A great big shout out goes out to all who participated and watched the
drag show, especially Rob and Jane who were in charge of planning, and
the best little cat in the world who still inspires me to be nothing
less than my best.
jules hathaway


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#Me Too

#Me Too

Adult nonfiction
"IT STARTED WITH A TWEET: If you've been sexually harassed or
assaulted write 'Me too' as a reply to this tweet. But the ground
work for #Me Too was laid more than twenty years earlier, and the
conditions for the outpouring of support have existed for
generations. #Me Too has grown into a worldwide catalyst for changes
in the ways people think about, respond to, and deal with sexual
misconduct."
The first time I experienced sexual harassment I was a
freshperson in high school. A male swimming teacher touched me in
places where he really shouldn't have. He told me that was "our
little secret." My gut feeling was that maybe he shouldn't be a
teacher. What he did was wrong. It made me feel in danger in a place
where I deserved to feel safe. And maybe I wasn't the only one he
touched. So I talked to the principal who was shocked...
...at my behavior. I was evil. I could ruin a good man's
reputation with my lies. If I didn't stop there would be serious
repurcussions. Against me. Even then I knew a good man wouldn't
touch a girl under her bathing suit. His demand for secrecy implied
that he knew what he did was wrong. This made me feel helpless and
very angry.
What a difference half a century makes! I was elated when the
#Me Too movement took off like wildfire. People were talking about
what was formerly unmentionable. Predators would not be getting a
free pass.
#Me Too: Women Speak Out Against Sexual Assault is a volume in
the New York Times In The Headlines series. It's a collection of
pieces by a wide range of writers. The first describes the Harvey
Weinstein revelations. Following ones cover the movement that burst
into life following an invitation to other women to share their
experiences and the spread of the ensuing conversation into
legislature and academia and around the world. At the end there are
speculations about what lies ahead. Some of the pieces I found most
interesting concerned:
*the widely differing reactions in countries with a wide range of
cultures;
*the distinction between individual males behaving badly and "the ways
the world is structurally engineered against women" and how the
latter, while causing exponentially more harm, is far harder than the
former to remedy;
and *the complexities surrounding the victimization of black and
working class women.
I would highly recommend this very timely book to women,
nonbinary folks, and allies. It would probably be a very discussion
worthy text for women's and gender studies classes.
On a purrrsonal note, this has been a very intense weekend. Mostly,
of course, I studied. Sunday I spent 3 hours in a study group getting
ready for the legendary theories final. The rest of it was solo,
missing my cat.
My mother-in-law is in the hospital for a collapsed lung and a blood
clot. Of course we're all hoping and praying for Arlene to get well
and home.
The happy news is that Amber and Brian had their traditional family
and friends Halloween party. I wore my unicorn costume. We had pizza
and cupcakes. Their place was decorated just purrrfectly.
[BTW if you're in need for ideas for Halloween costumes and decor you
might want to check out her blog
http://amberscraftaweek.blogspot.com
She is really into the season.]
Katie brought me the most amazing birthday present: a real oil
painting made from my favorite photograph of Joey. He's standing on a
pumpkin near some flowers. Such a precious memory. I will give that
precious painting a place of honor in my studio.
We have Coming Out Week this week at UMaine. Tomorrow I'll wear my
unicorn costume for the flag raising. Wednesday I'll be a contestant
in the drag pageant.
Great big shout outs go out to my study group, the nurses taking care
of Arlene, my family, and the best little cat in the world who could
light and warm up the house even in the depths of winter.
jules hathaway


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Soaring Earth

Soaring Earth
YA nonfiction
"In dreams I reject reality
and return to the blue-green-blue
isle of ocean-surrounded childhood,
a sliver of memory treasured."
Recall how in 2015 we looked at Margarita Engle's memoir in
verse, Enchanted Air? I was elated to discover a brand new companion,
Soaring Earth, that specifically focuses on Engle's teen/young adult
years.
When we meet Engle, she desperately yearns to return to the
enchanted Cuba where she spent childhood summers. Only it was illegal
for her to go there due to politics. High school and college will
present additional challenges.
In fact, the challenges of attending a large state university
during a time of war, drugs, and campus conflict proves to be too
much. No longer a student, she doesn't go home, not sure how she can
explain her situation to her parents. Jobs are hard to come by.
Housemates and guests are sometimes problematic. Witnessing a murder
shreds her sense of security. After hitchhiking across the country
she's robbed in Harlem. A lot in her life seems futile.
"Will I ever manage
to return
to college?

Once an opportunity
has been abandoned
can lost hope ever
be rediscovered?"
You'll have to read the book to find out.
On a personal note, you recall how I was anxious that I wouldn't have
enough iron to donate blood? Well I had excellent numbers (probably
thanks to our Wells chefs who do beef right) and donated easily. Then
I volunteered six hours at the canteen, tending to other donors. Easy
Peasy and fun. Luckily Anna didn't schedule me to work that night so
I could rest up.
Anna has given me free time to go to my family early Halloween party
where I'll see all my kids Saturday (I AM SO EXCITED!!!) and to
participate in the Drag Pageant next Wednesday. We have October Break
the 12th to the 15th. I have SO MUCH TO DO before break I don't see
how I'll get it all done. I'll have to channel the Little Engine That
Could.
At the beginning of the year I decided I'd do 100 volunteer hours in
2019. When I learned in May that Joey had cancer I dropped that goal
and forgave myself because making the best of his time left for him
was much more important. I have no idea how it happened but as of
yesterday I'm up to 100 1/2 hours with almost 3 weeks to go. I'd
rather have Joey.
Great big shout outs go out to Anna, my fellow blood donors, my
amazing children, and the best little cat in the world.
jules hathaway


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