People who know me know that I have three amazing adult children. What they may not know is that I also lost three pregnancies. The third involved an abortion when the miscarriage wouldn't end and my life was in jeopardy. (The fetus had no heartbeat). What I became all too familiar with was the discomfort people have in relationship to pregnancy loss, rendering it a taboo topic rather than a chance to offer support. It can be a very isolating experience.
That's one of the reasons I'm grateful for Rebecca Little and Colleen Long's I'm Sorry for My Loss: An UrgentExamination of Reproductive care in America. Both authors experienced pregnancy loss and and the taboos surrounding it.
"Colleen was shocked by how infrequently people would talk about what happened; some of her family never even mentioned it once. She felt like she couldn't talk about it either. After her stillborn son, a priest told Rebecca that he didn't need to pray for the baby because he was already in heaven, so she shouldn't feel sad. This was far from a comfort; it was engaging and invalidating."
Little and Long take readers through the history of miscarriage, stillbirth, and abortion in America from the birth of the nation when women became great with child about every two years and lost many of these pregnancies through the early 20th century when Margaret Sanger advocated for both birth control and eugenics, the '50s when women's reason d'etre was thought to be bearing and raising children, and the legalization of abortion to the present day when Roe v Wade has been overturned. They show the many factors, such as state of medicine and science, religion, and politics, that were highly influential. They remind us that access to reproductive care is highly influenced by race and class.
They have grave concerns in today's America where a number of states have outlawed or severely restricted abortion and the right is pushing for more of same. It isn't just women seeking abortions and doctors willing to provide them who are in danger. A lot of doctors are afraid to treat women desperately in need of help because of pregnancy complications. And how about the prospect of miscarrying women being jailed for homicide.
I'm Sorry for My Loss is a clarion call for action. It's a must read for medical care professionals, policy makers, and people who can get pregnant and the people who care about them.
On a purrrsonal note, if today's legislation had been in practice in my reproductive years I'd be in prison or dead. It's another reason (besides my belief that you shouldn't have a child unless you really want one) that I don't nag for grands. It's become a relief that at a time when any kind of pregnancy termination can have truly tragic consequences that my kids don't want to have kids.
A great big shout out goes out to Little and Long for this comprehensive and highly relevant book.
Fam, I wish you a safe and happy three day weekend. I probably will be going to camp and if so taking a break from technology to better appreciate nature.
Jules Hathaway
Sent from my U.S.Cellular© Smartphone
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