Dare I Say It

     When my mother went through the menopause from Hell people didn't say the word. She was going through The Change and doing her best to keep it a secret probably even from her doctor. When I went through my asymptomatic menopause this perfectly normal transition was still a taboo topic...

     ...Actually it's still too often a taboo topic with most doctors not knowing enough about it's complexities, society propagating a myth of rapid decline in everything from sexuality to cognition, and women in the passage stigmatized and shamed.

     It's a damn good thing that we're finally getting books on the subject from women who have been there, done that. I've just discovered one that I'd recommend to my daughters: Naomi Watts' Dare I Say It: Everything I Wish I'd Known About Menopause. It covers the complexities--physical, mental, and emotional--of the transition. It's a wonderful blend of anecdotal experience and clinical research. The experiences described in the book are highly relatable. 

     Most of us enter menopause knowing only a few key symptoms. I would have flunked a pop quiz. I expected hot flashes, night sweats, wild mood swings, and, of course, cessation of menses. Watts shows us how a wide range of symptoms--physical, cognitive, and emotional--are indeed menopause related and can be ameliorated. This is major. 

     One of the most important messages Watts delivers is to be assertive in your health care. Women tend to be taught to be submissive in medical care situations. All too many doctors, especially he/him ones are not good listeners. And if he won't listen find someone else. You deserve better. I'm going to ditch my PCP the second I get in with another practice.

     Seriously when doctors don't listen the consequences can be really bad or fatal. When I broke my wrist the first doctor I saw refused to x ray claiming that if I had a fracture I'd be in more pain. I got a second opinion. When I was in the hospital after I had my first baby I told the rounds doctor I had an infection. He told me it was my imagination. Prepare to be indignant. If I hadn't rung for a nurse speedy quick I would have died from a hospital acquired infection. So BE ASSERTIVE!!!

     I also love how Watts reframes life after menopause. It's too often described as a time of decline, irrelevance, boredom, and ugly as fuck "age appropriate" clothes. She sees it as a time of exploration, discovery, and fulfillment. 

     I have two wonderful adult daughters. I'm keeping up with the lit on menopause because I want this transition to as positive as possible for them just like the previous ones in their lives. I want to help them in any way I can. And Dare I Say It gives me plenty of ideas.

On a purrrsonal note, because my mother's menopause was so dramatic I was sure I'd know when it happened. Wrong! One day I realized I hadn't menstruated in quite awhile--over a year to be exact. It was like well I guess I hit that milestone. And for me the years following have been ones of exploration,  discovery, fulfillment, and abundant joy. I discovered my passion and how to make a career out of it. I just acquired the degree I need for that. I have exciting new interests, a loving family, and wonderful friends. And the undergrads are always asking me where I get my clothes. LIFE IS AWESOME!!!

A great big shout out goes out to Watts and the others who are finally serving up the deets on a still too taboo topic. 

Jules Hathaway 

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