Toxic Positivity

Adult nonfiction 

     In 2019 Joey, my beloved cat companion of 16 years,  died of lung cancer.  I was devastated.  When I told wonderful friends who love me I just wanted the acknowledgment that, yeah, that sucks, that I had reason to be grief stricken, that maybe they too had lost precious animals.  But most offered platitudes.  I knew they were well meaning attempts to heal or at least help me.  But I wasn't near a place where that was even possible.  I felt obliged to act cheered up.  It was exhausting.

     If you've ever experienced serious loss, hardship, or stress, you've probably been hit with that kind of "uplifting" response.  Therapist Whitney Goodman says that dialogue is just about universal in America.  That's why she coined the term toxic positivity which is also the title of her book.

     Goodman isn't claiming that positivity is always toxic or even bad.  Feeling positivity and gratitude can improve psychological and physical health.  The problem is when it becomes the only acceptable mindset, pushing us to force ourselves and others to always perform it, even in situations in which it's wildly inappropriate such as the death of a beloved spouse.

     In this society we inhabit some emotions are considered acceptable and others anything but.  We start learning which is which very early in life.  As toddlers we're told to stop whining.  As school kids we're punished for expressing anger at siblings.  And how about jealousy being called the green eyed monster?  Then we grow up into a world, both tangible and virtual, where we're bombarded with messages that we only way we can survive, thrive, be happy, and lead meaningful lives is to embody the mantra: don't worry; be happy.

     Goodman explains the many ways that toxic positivity hurts us and our relationships.  She also gives a lot of useful advice on how to become more authentic--removing the mask--when seeking and receiving help.  I think most of us can use some of her ideas.

     Goodman tells us who can benefit from her book.  "It's a book for people who want to know how to support themselves and others.  It's for people who are exhausted from pretending to be happy all the time: at work, at home, with their friends, and on social media.  They're tired of good vibes being forced on them at every turn and being told everything happens for a reason."

     I think that describes most of us at times.

Today was the Green Team and Commuter Lounge clothes swap.  We had a room full of clothes.  People could take all they wanted for free.  As you can imagine, it was a very popular event.  And now I have 37 filled out surveys to analyze to determine how to improve the event next year.  Total success!  (Jules)

Well of course it was a success.  (Tobago)

A great big shout out goes out to all who participated.

Tobago and Jules Hathaway 

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