When I Was White

When I Was White

Adult memoir
"'Getting a scholarship to play ball in high school in college
isn't easy,' he [high school guidance counselor] said. 'But because
your grades are so high there are a lot of academic scholarships you
are eligible for, particularly those for minorities.'
'I don't qualify for them...' I ventured.
He was silent for a moment, and then the conversation moved on."
Sarah Valentine, author of When I Was White, grew up in a
Caucasian family. From an early age some people had not perceived her
as all White. Her hair and coloring gave a strong indication that she
might have at least that mythical one drop of Black blood. Her
parents had been quick to counter any suggestion to that effect. When
told about the above quoted conversation, her father had claimed that
applying for minority scholorships would be fraudulent and asked her
not to tell her mother. Her mother had minimized any Black appearance
in all matters of hair style and grooming.
One day a phone call changed all that. Her mother told her that
the man who has raised her was not her biologogical father. She had
been conceived during a college spring break party, probably by rape.
The man involved had been African American. Her mother could not
remember his name or face.
"The news made me question all my experiences as a family. The
birthdays, holidays, family dinners, summer vacations, basketball
practices, games, camps, and tournaments--everything we did together
now felt like a lie, like the whole time an untruth was hovering
around us we'd all agreed to ignore. I just kept thinking, if my race
or biological father didn't matter, as my mother insisted, then why
did it need to be a secret?..."
In When I Was White Valentine shares her struggles to
incorporate a huge new facet into her identity, discover her missing
parent, and uncover the family dynamics that had kept her parents
intent on living a lie. Her quest narrative covers over a decade.
But it reveals more than a individual's journey. It shows how fears
about race can hover under the facade of color blindness and emerge
only when the truth hits a little too close to home.
In other words, When I Was White is a very powerful and
insightful read, particularly for anyone who is attempting to
understand the complexities of race and biracialism in America...like
my social justice class.
On a purrrsonal note, I am taking advantage of the time vacuum created
by staying to home to, among other things, write my memoir. Even if
it's never published it can give my children and friends insights into
why I am the person I am. I am already sharing bits and pieces with
my older daughter and she is asking insightful questions. Even during
this initial writing period I am gaining insights into me that will
help me to be a better person. I guess that is a small silver lining
in a big ugly cloud. A voyage of discovery that will not spread
contagion.
I had an AMAZING, WONDERFUL suprise last night. I got onto Zoom and
participated in virtual class just fine. And it was wonderful. We
were all so happy to have this bit of normal, this chance to discuss
an issue we are all passionate about instead of the latest coronavirus
intelligence (and bullshit) on the Internet, this affirmation that
life in general and our lives in particular can get back to at least
semi normal in the future. Also we discussed our feelings,
challenges, and successes at the beginning of class. We discovered
that we're having many of the same emotions and challenges. Last
night I crashed for nine hours and woke up energized, eager to get
down to work. I see that as a direct effect of my zoom experience.
(Jules)
Hoomans are very mysterious. Just when you think you understand
them...my girl hooman now talks to that thing she calls a laptop.
There are little hoomans in it that talk to her. How is that even
possible?
Mother Nature is playing an April Fools joke on the hoomans. It is
snowing. I bet she is saying, and you thought it was spring. Ha ha!
I saw some black birdies today. They appeared to be looking for
food. Fatten up birdies! Hoomans, don't be smug. Those of you who
aren't vegetarians or vegans eat birds. You just outsource the
hunting part. And you want your turkeys to be fat and meaty. (Tobago)
A great big shout out goes out to my professor, TA, and classmates in
social justice: Kathleen, Niya, Jane, Georgia, Jeff, Alex, Cat, and
Maddie. I value and appreciate you to a depth I did not realize until
the shitstorm made the people and routines of normal precious beyond
all measure. (Jules)
Birdies. (Tobago)
Tobago and Jules Hathaway


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