Know My Name

Know My Name

Adult Memoir
"TURNER does not know the identity of VICTIM. He never got her
name and was not able to really describe her. He stated that he
probably would not be able to recognize victim if he saw her again.
In his mind, I didn't have a face or a name. But the article stated
we had met at a party, as if the attraction had been mutual, involved
cordial chatting."
It happened years ago. I remember it was like it was
yesterday. I was reading about Brock Turner serving only three months
for raping an unconscious woman. My blood was boiling. I'd heard
about people doing more time for shoplifting and people without money
staying behind bars much longer while waiting for their trials. Then
I read a statement by Turner's father that he should not be punished
too harshly for "twenty minutes of action." Twenty minutes of action?
They weren't dancing or roller skating. He had violated her while she
was unable to resist.
I had to do something. At that point I was writing regular
opinion pieces for the Bangor Daily News. I had a perfect venue. I
wrote about all the ways twenty minutes of action for a friend of my
mothers who had raped me had scarred me. I sent it in. My editor
contacted me. Had I thought this through? Was I willing to share
something so personal? Did I really want to go through with this?
Yes, yes, and YES! I brought daughters into this messed up rape
culture world. Someday I want them to be living in a society in which
sexual assault is as unacceptable as drunk driving is today.
Over the years I thought of Emily Doe, the name the courts
assigned the victim. I wondered how she was doing managing to
survive. Then one day in Fogler Library, gathering reading material
for what was supposed to be a week long March break I found Know My
Name by Chanel Miller. Now I could find out for myself.
When Miller agreed to press charges she had no idea what she was
in for: years centered around legal proceedings that were often
rescheduled at the last minute, years in which policies and procedures
were highly tipped in Turner's favor, years in which she was
stereotyped as a victim who maybe shouldn't have been drinking while
he was portrayed three dimensionally as a rising star in competitive
swimming, a future doctor, and someone with legions of adults willing
to testify that he was totally incapable of THAT.
"Throughout the legal process, I felt like I was always trying
to keep up, to not mess up, learn court jargon, pay attention, follow
the rules. I wanted to fit in and prove I could do whatever was
expected of me. It had never occurred to me that the system itself
could be wrong, could be changed or improved. Victims could ask for
more. We could be treated better..."
The whole process devastated Miller physically and
psychologically. She candidly lets readers see her most intimate
thoughts and feelings. But when her victim impact statement was
posted on the Internet and went viral she found her tribe: women who
hurt for her and were enraged on her behalf, women who had suffered as
she had, a teenage girl who, for the first time in years, was able to
get out of bed because of her.
"...We may spend half our time wandering around, wondering what
we're even doing here, why it's worth the effort. But living is an
incredible thing, just to have been here, to have felt, if only
briefly, the volume and depth of others' empathy. I wrote, most of
all, to tell you I have seen how good the world could be."
That was what I really wanted to hear.
There are parts of Know My Name that are painful to read,
especially if you or a loved one have been a rape victim. I had to
put it down a few times when it made me too angry. But it's well
worth sticking with. Basically I recommend it to anyone with a
beating human heart and the desire for a better, fairer society.
On a purrrsonal note, I had a terrific weekend. The weather actually
was warm and sunny. Eugene and I spent time outside doing the
inevitable after winter clean up. Our place looks much nicer now.
Since our trailer park is coop rather than owned by a slum lord we can
have pride of ownership. We're doing this for us, not some skinflint
dumb ass. I baked Eugene's favorite chocolate chip cookies with three
flavor and they came out very nicely.
So far it looks like UMaine will open in the fall after an online
summer. I plan to be there when it does even if they want just under
65s out in the world. What are they going to do? Check our IDs all
the time. I was stumped for a moment when I remembered the bus might
still not be safe or might still only take limited numbers which
screws those of us in the middle of the route. Then a thought popped
into my head: what did God give me two feet for? I am a proud, bad
ass Black Bear. It will take a lot more than living five miles away
to keep me off my beloved campus.
(Jules)
Lots of sun to soak in. Saw my hoomans outside cleaning up. I guess
they are getting ready for the birdies. I must be a celebrity. My
girl hooman has turned into paparazzi. (Tobago)
A great big shout out goes out to you, our beloved readers. Hoping
you're managing to stay safe. After we post this we will post a
picture of the part of the studio where the reading and blogging gets
done. Bet it's as awesome and catly as you imagined.
Tobago and Jules Hathaway



Sent from my iPod