The Man They Wanted Me To Be

The Man They Wanted Me To Be

Adult memoir
"I was one of the first journalists to walk among them [Trump
supporters] because these are my people. Growing up in a dirt-poor,
factory family in southern Indiana, I'd heard all this before, though
usually behind closed doors, and thus could observe without flinching
or revealing myself. I also knew how to dress--jeans, t-shirts,
scuffed boots, an old, soiled baseball cap--and to carry myself as if
I had better things to do and yet was ready to fight at a moment's
notice..."
The 2016 presidential campaign and its aftermath introduced many
of us to a shocking subculture we'd been able to remain largely
unaware of. It was a realm in which any kind of filter was suspect--
evidence of the despised political correctness or pussification of the
country, grabbing women by the pussy was an accomplishment to be proud
of, and virulent hate groups contained "many fine people." It was the
world in which Jared Yates Sexton, quoted above, grew up, the one he
shines a light on in his memoir, The Man They Wanted Me To Be.
Sexton grew up in a patriarchal world in which men were the
unquestioned kings of the castle. After work they were free to sit
around watching tv and being inconsiderate, sometimes violent, jerks.
Even if women also worked, they were also in charge of child care,
cleaning, shopping...and that dinner better be on the table on time,
or else!
During Sexton's childhood he survived several dangerous, violent
macho men whom his mother married, guys who seemed decent until
matrimony and then showed their true colors. His memories include the
rushed escapes he and his mom made, their belongings thrown into
garbage bags. He was seen as weak, sickly [asthma], girlish, a family
black sheep, someone who needed to shape up.
"These men raised me. They punished me when I didn't fit in.
They beat me and tortured me, all in an effort to toughen me up and
make me just like them. They were my uncles, my cousins, my friends,
my neighbors, my stepfathers, and even my own father."
In the final section of his book, Crisis Of Our Own Making,
Sexton explores the contributions of the cult of toxic masculinity in
which he grew up to the election of Donald Trump and the continued
blindness of a large segment of the population to his presidential
shortcomings.
The Man They Wanted Me To Be is a must read for anyone concerned
about the role toxic masculinity plays in our current government and
the lives of many of its supporters.
On a purrrsonal note, I had a really good time Monday. Last year when
I was in Seminar our field trip was bad weathered out. Don't you hate
those inconvenient snow/sleet events? Well this year we were invited
to go to the field with this year's class. It was great. I learned a
lot about how an elite private college differs from an elite state
flagship university. (Which was probably the intent of the trip.)
there was something else really special about the trip. But that
requires a bit of back story.
I've had a lot of people see my intelligence as something they
could mold into conventional forms of thinking. This is about as
possible as trying to power a temperature controlled stove with wild
fire. I see the big picture. I think of elements that aren't in the
discourse. I tie ideas together in novel ways. I'd rather take risks
on ideas that might not work out rather than stick to safe ones. (Not
that I'm undisciplined. I take my academics very seriously). If I
had a dollar for every time I heard stuff like "That's not how we do
things." I could probably jet off to Paris France for a vaca.
On the way to the field trip I got to sit in the van with
Elizabeth who teaches the class and heads up her program. She sees
teachers and students as capable of bring valuable knowledge and
insight to the classroom rather than the teacher stuffing the students
who then prove they have properly ingested. I was eager to tell her
the ideas I'm working on. She was impressed and encouraging. The
next day I had a talk with my advisor, Leah, who was also very
validating and excited about the possibilities. For the first time in
my life my kind of thinking is not only OK but wonderful. And if one
of my ideas doesn't pan out it is not the end of the world. In the
place I'm in now I've gone from ugly duckling to swan. I'm no longer
pressured to be the person others want me to be. I bet a lot of us
get pressured to be the human someone else wants us to be.
Great big shout outs go out to Elizabeth and Leah and the Colby folks
who have us an outstanding tour and took the time to answer all our
questions.
jules hathaway



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