Boy Erased

Boy Erased

Adult memoir
"I was here by my own choice, despite my growing skepticism,
despite my secret wish to run away from the shame I'd felt since my
parents found out I was gay. I had too much invested in my current
life to leave it behind: in my family and in the increasingly blurry
God I'd known since I was a toddler.
God, I prayed, leaving the office and making my way down the
narrow hallway to the main room, the fleurescents ticking in their
metal grids, I don't know who You are anymore, but please give me the
wisdom to survive this."
The "this" Garrard Conley, hoped to have the wisdom to "survive"
was Love In Action, a program designed to save gays and other sexual
"deviants" from "unnatural" lifestyles, lifestyles that would
allegedly alienate them from God and stand in the way of salvation.
He was in a two-week assessment day program which would determine how
much in-patient treatment he would "need"--anything from three months
to years. In his no-holds-barred Boy Erased, he shares this
experience and the events that led up to it.
Conley grew up in the South in the very fundamentalist
Missionary Baptists, the denomination both his parents were raised
in. They were Biblical literalists, taking every word of the Bible as
literally dictated by God. Concepts like evolution that questioned
God's creating the world in six days were considered heresy. The
Rapture was always just around the corner. If it caught someone in a
less than pure state of thought, word, or deed he or she would be
doomed to eternal damnation.
Needless to say, when a classmate outed Conley to his parents in
his first year of college, it did not go well. His father, a car
salesman who aspired to save a thousand souls before he died, was en
route to becoming an ordained minister. He gave his son an
ultimatum: if he ever acted on his feelings he'd forfeit being able
to set foot in his home or have his education paid for. Not
surprisingly, in despair, Conley decided to agree to whatever his
parents had in mind.
[Reviewer's note: a number of transgender college students
receive a similar ultimatum: if they transition they'll lose family
membership and financial support. Can you imagine having to choose
between being accepted and supported and being comfortable in your
skin at any phase in life, never mind such a vulnerable one? Isn't
this supposed to be the Twenty-First Century?]
The whatever turns out to be the ironically named Love In
Action, a twelve step program loosely based on Alcoholics Anonymous
with detailed rules for every facet of life. Conley is told to forgo
reading anything but his Bible and LIA handbook. He's stripped of all
his personal belongings and told that all the stored pictures and
messages on his electronic devices will be scrutinized.
"We want to encourage each client, male and female, by affirming
your gender identity. We also want each client to pursue integrity in
all his/her actions and appearances. Therefore, any belongings,
appearances, clothing, actions, or humor that might connect you to an
inappropriate past are excluded from the program. These hindrances
are called False Images (FI)."
In Boy Erased, Conley masterfully segues between his childhood
and teen memories and his LIA experiences. It's a must read for
anyone wishing to understand how such programs work, particularly
those of us who love our LGBTQ friends for who they really are.
On a personal note, we've just had ourselves two cold misty days.
Community Garden was cancelled. For night reading I wore Hello Kitty
footed pajamas and fluffy bathrobe. Joey was happy to cuddle on my
lap. I wrapped a corner of my blanket around him and he looked like a
kitty burito. A purrrito?My latest opinion piece has come out in the
Bangor Daily News. I'm getting really good feedback on it.
A great big shout out goes out to the BDN readers who are appreciating
my piece.
jules hathaway



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