before happiness

before happiness

You probably know at least one couple who when wife and husband
speak of the kids you wonder if they're talking about the same
people. She talks about their success in school, their ethical
behavior, and their great personalities. He talks about their
inability or unwillingness to do things like wash dishes and pick up
towels. God knows they both want the offspring to succeed. But where
she sees this as a probability he believes their shortcomings doom them.
Shawn Achor speaks to this and related issues in before
happiness: the 5 hidden keys to achieving success, spreading
happiness, and sustaining change. I have no idea why I picked this
book up. Normally phrases like "5 hidden keys" act as a powerful
detterent, implying in my mind a simplistic mind set. The fact that I
not only checked it out but read it cover to cover despite my bias
should tell you it's worth at least skimming.
We all want happiness and success. We don't all achieve them.
People in the helping professions and psychology have spent like a
gazilion hours trying to figure out why. Achor seems to have a clue.
"...The reason some people were thriving while others--people in
the exact same situation--were stuck in hopelessness was that they
were literally living in different realities. Some were living in a
reality in which happiness and success seemed possible, despite the
obstacles. Others were living in a reality where it was not. After
all, how could someone expect to achieve happiness or success when
stuck in a mindset that neither was possible?"
Now, does that make sense or does that make sense?
Following a pretty persuasive lead in, Achor devotes a chapter
to each of his five keys: choosing the most valuable reality, mapping
your success route, finding success accelerants, boosting your
positive signal by eliminating the negative noise, and transferring
your positive reality to others. Each carries a good balance between
theoretical (why it works) and practical (real life suggestions).
The chapter on eliminating noise explains that you can only take
in a miniscule fragment of the information you're being bombarded
with--both from the environment and from your inner voices. Instead
of being tossed here and there like a ship at sea, it can be a good
idea to recognize what is positive and useful and try to filter out at
least some of the rest. Some of the suggestions include: limiting
news of tragedies you can do nothing about, disengaging from
distracting media and conversations, keeping worry in proportion to
the actual liklihood of an event, and taking a few minutes to write
down what you feel really good and care about.
If there's some area of your life you'd like to do better in,
whether it's getting a promotion at work, losing weight, getting along
better with your spouse, giving your children support and
encouragement in their transition to adulthood, or any of a myriad of
other concerns, before happiness can be a valuable way to envision
this matter dear to your heart as possible and then go out and make it
happen.
On a personal note, after I lost my first school committee election
family and friends thought I should give up. Someone from Greystone
would have a chance of a snowball in Hell. I, on the other hand, saw
winning as inevitable once folks saw who I was and put aside the
trailer park trash stereotype. I went door to door. The result? I'm
vice chair of the Veazie School Committee :) in my ninth year.
A great big shout out goes out to all who envision and work for
success on a wide scale. Our society sure does need you to heal a
myriad of ills.
Julia Emily Hathaway


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