The BIG DISCONNECT

The BIG DISCONNECT

Parenting
"Neil Postman concluded his book The Disappearance of Childhood
by entreating parents to conceive of parenting 'as an act of
rebellion' against the dehumanizing aspects of the emerging tech and
popular culture. 'It is not conceivable that our culture will forget
that it needs children,' he wrote. "But it is halfway toward
forgetting that children need childhood. Those who insist on
remembering shall perform a noble service."
Yowza!!! I can not imagine what the man would have to say 31
years later.
I found that quote in Catherine Steiner-Adair's The BIG
DISCONNECT: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the
Digital Age. Written by a clinical psychologist, it is full of the
pitfalls of our rapidly evolving, ever more online world. She knows
whereof she speaks. This is a book I would recommend for every parent
of babies through teens.
Technology can be hazardous for children and families in a
number of ways including:
Smartphones and other devices can get in the way of parent child
bonding. Babies and children need unitasking moms and dads giving them
security and comfort and helping them learn about this world they've
been born into. Electronic devices can let them know they are less
important than whatever that thing is.
Families are the arena in which children learn the ins and outs
of interpersonal communication. Conversations at the dinner table,
shared chores, board games, even those sibling arguments we parents
find so annoying teach kids how to listen, negotiate, communicate, and
apologize in a relatively safe environment. When every person in a
house is engaged with a separate electronic device or mustitasking
with several this is so not happening. Many people are finding face
to face or even phone conversations scarily unpredictable and
preferring to limit themselves to texting and updating.
Electronic devices can interfere with essential developmental
tasks. Babies and toddlers learn best by manipulating objects, not
tuning in to Baby Einstein. Elementary students can learn a skimming,
rather than a deep, meaningful, and deeply engaged style of reading.
Kids of all ages who are bombarded with electronic stimuli can not
achieve the quiet to connect with their inner resources or creativity
inspiring boredom.
Despite all these perils, Steiner-Adair remains an optimist.
Her seven guidelines for creating and maintaining a sustainable
family--mindful, attuned to one another, using but not used by
technology--give us all a lot to work with. They empower us to be
those moms and dads who parent as an act of rebellion, who render our
children a "noble service."
On a personal note, last Friday night I was in a place that was
anything but disconnected: Orono Arts Cafe. It's a once a month
family oriented performance venue with a warm, intimate setting and
amazing refreshments. It was my first time there and my first time
reading my poems to an audience. I read three: one about Halloween
(dressed for the occassion in a cow costume with a red and black
feather boa), one about giving Joey cat pills, and one about saving
the life of a heat sick dragonfly.
It was a truly transcendent experience. I was on cloud nine. I owned
that stage and the audience loved me. A star is born. Oh, yeah! How
lucky we are to have such a warm, safe, and connected space to be in!
Yowza!
A great big shout out goes out to Terrie, Eric, Mary, and all the
others who put so much time and work into creating and maintaining
Orono Arts Cafe! You are the total cat's pajamas!
Julia Emily Hathaway


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