If you're married, how did you choose your partner? If you aren't and want to be what process do you anticipate? Maybe proximity at work or school blooming into something else? Maybe physical attraction or shared interests? Maybe a friend acting as a catalyst?
You probably don't envision courtship evolving as a series of negotiations between the families of the prospective bride and groom. But finding a suitable partner for one's children is still the norm for a lot of people who would consider a more hands off approach negligent. Autumn Allen's You Only Live Twice gives readers insights into a different romance narrative.
"This is the year that I change my life.
At the beginning of this year, I am a typical high school student, going through the motions, doing what's expected of me (mostly).
By the end of this year, I will rearrange my life."
Zakiyyah, Allen's protagonist, is a devout Muslim, desperately trying to live the ethics and values of her faith among classmates who seriously don't understand her in a school where students are controlled and infantalized through rigid rules.
She wants out NOW, not nine months in the future.
Her parents allow her to withdraw to go the homeschool route and take dual enrollment classes at Roxbury Community College.
"All of the students were adults, young and old. And the teachers treated us like it...No arbitrary rules to impose administrative control. The edge of being part of a population held hostage was gone. Everyone was there of their own free Will."
When Zakiyyah decides that her next step is marriage her mother, who married early, is shocked. She wants her daughter to have an easier life. But she does come around. The extended family is soon engaged in a search for her future husband.
In November a candidate is approved. Musa comes from a large religious family. He's a little older than Zakiyyah and interested in marriage. The first time they get to converse on the phone it is after the parents have negotiated all the important points.
"Just when I thought they might have forgotten Musa and I were there, Khadijah said, 'Well, I guess we should let Zakiyyah and Musa ask any questions they might have? I feel comfortable letting them start to communicate after this if they want to. What do you all think?'"
After the four parents approve Zakiyyah and Musa are free to get to know each other by email and eventually phone. They have never met or even seen pictures of each other. The evolution of their relationship makes for quite a fascinating narrative.
On a purrrsonal note, the noreaster is over. Wednesday there was no rain. It was great weather for the weekly vigil. We had good attendance and a lot of honks. There were even glimpses of blue sky. I did my afternoon work and evening outside reading near my lovely flowers. They are really thriving thanks 😊 to the beneficial rain. Tree leaves are starting to turn. They are lovely but sadly signal that winter is on the way.
I am getting so disgusted with a lot of the campaigning. As always. Some of the negative ads look more like trailers for horror flicks than bona fide election information. High school students would be expelled or suspended for following their examples. Why can't we expect more from adults? If I could make rules for elections they would be:
1. No mud slinging.
2. Address the relevant issues. Talk policies and practices, not platitudes.
3. Make only true, verifiable statements.
4. Public finance elections to put candidates on an even playing field.
A great big shout out goes out to my vigil crew and the few candidates for office who are conducting ethical campaigns, especially Mike Tipping who Bailey and I will be campaigning for Saturday. He's a bright shining light of integrity in the shitstorm that is the midterm elections.
Jules Hathaway
Sent from my Galaxy
