Never Enough

     One day when I called the mother of one of Amber's classmates to arrange a play date. She gasped in horror. "You let Amber play? I'd expect that of the ignorant moms. But you have a college education. You should know better."

     The girls were in first grade. 

     That was in the '90s. As Jennifer Breheny Wallace tells us in Never Enough, things today are a lot worse. The pressures kids face to outperform the peers from when they're barely out of diapers have devastating consequences. "Recent national surveys of young people have shown alarming increases in the prevalence of certain mental health challenges--in 2019, one in three high school students and half of female students reported persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness, an overall increase of 40 percent from 2009."

     Good grades aren't enough. They have to beat out all their peers. Sports aren't enough. They have to make travel teams. Hobbies and personalities have to be curated to capture a spot in an elite university. 

     This kind of pressure coming from parents is particularly toxic because the home is where kids and teens need to feel unconditionally loved and supported. When this love feels transactional--contingent on meeting high standards--they can feel that they don't matter. 

     Try to imagine for a moment how you would feel if your love from your significant other was contingent on you always meeting high standards? 

     Wallace says that adults need to put an end to toxic achievement pressures. She provides a lot of good ideas. Never Enough is an important read for parents, teachers, and anyone else who loves and works with young people. 

On a purrrsonal note, I'm in my program to earn a degree that will qualify me to work with college undergraduates in student services. One of the best things I do is show them how much they matter. But I never anticipated how they would reciprocate until I had a stroke last fall. They were really scared. And when I returned to campus they surrounded me with love and support. Because they matter immensely to me I matter immensely to them. 

A great big shout out goes out to my precious undergrads.

Jules Hathaway 

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