The Truth About White Lies (YA fiction)

     When we speak about white lies we usually mean minor untruths, often uttered for benign reasons: I don't mind (when you really do); you look great (when she/he/they really doesn't)...  In The Truth About White Lies Olivia A. Cole gives the phrase a whole new sinister meaning.

     "With her grandmother's heart and arms too weak to lift the soil, Shania had come to help bury the dog. 

     'I think under the sycamore is best," Gram said. 'Or maybe by the willow. What do you think?'"

    Her grandmother has just told Shania we all are liars when she slumps over. An ambulance 🚑 takes her away. She never comes back. The thing she was going to tell Shania she takes to the grave.

     Months later Shania and her mother have moved from the small town she grew up in to Shh rapidly gentrifying city. She's entering Bard Academy, a snobby, exclusive private school. (Shania BTW is white). She's quite surprised when Catherine, the ultra popular (the whole school snaps "like piranhas" the words she invents) sister of the Bard golden boy, Prescott. She's even more surprised when Prescott takes a romantic interest in her.

     Shania has a part time job in Pauli's, a doughnut 🍩 shop, one of the last older stores that haven't been taken over by trendy establishments. A regular customer hopes it won't succumb. 

     "Somebody said something about some kinda designer donuts 🍩 today. Green-tea doughnuts 🍩 and bourbon this and that. Paulie's keeps it simple, and there ain't nothing wrong with that."

     Gentrification isn't the only alarming trend in the business district. Someone has been killng cats and escalates to the unsheltered population. Shania doesn't want to believe that Prescott is the killer. 

    And she may have some racist skeletons in her own family closet. Including dear old Gram.

    The Truth About White Lies is based on Cole's own "wake-up moment". A tenth grade teacher had heard her say something about reverse racism and explained why that was an imssibility. The authenticity she brings to the novel makes it well worth reading.

On a purrrsonal note, sorry about it being over a week since my last post. The week, including October "Break", was mostly spent on my laptop searching for the student conduct directors of American 4 years and universities to send my survey (for my internship research) to. I did find 447. My next possibly insurmountable hurdle is finding someone on campus with the ability and time to help me use Qualtrix to translate my written survey into an online survey and send it out.

A great big shout out goes out to the conduct directors who will hopefully respond to the surveys instead of deleting them. That is if I ever get them sent out. If by some miracle I pass this internship, which I need to to graduate 🎓 in May, I will get my first tattoo. A 🐈 😻 🐈‍⬛️ 😺 🐱 😸 of course. 

Jules Hathaway 

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Never Enough

     One day when I called the mother of one of Amber's classmates to arrange a play date. She gasped in horror. "You let Amber play? I'd expect that of the ignorant moms. But you have a college education. You should know better."

     The girls were in first grade. 

     That was in the '90s. As Jennifer Breheny Wallace tells us in Never Enough, things today are a lot worse. The pressures kids face to outperform the peers from when they're barely out of diapers have devastating consequences. "Recent national surveys of young people have shown alarming increases in the prevalence of certain mental health challenges--in 2019, one in three high school students and half of female students reported persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness, an overall increase of 40 percent from 2009."

     Good grades aren't enough. They have to beat out all their peers. Sports aren't enough. They have to make travel teams. Hobbies and personalities have to be curated to capture a spot in an elite university. 

     This kind of pressure coming from parents is particularly toxic because the home is where kids and teens need to feel unconditionally loved and supported. When this love feels transactional--contingent on meeting high standards--they can feel that they don't matter. 

     Try to imagine for a moment how you would feel if your love from your significant other was contingent on you always meeting high standards? 

     Wallace says that adults need to put an end to toxic achievement pressures. She provides a lot of good ideas. Never Enough is an important read for parents, teachers, and anyone else who loves and works with young people. 

On a purrrsonal note, I'm in my program to earn a degree that will qualify me to work with college undergraduates in student services. One of the best things I do is show them how much they matter. But I never anticipated how they would reciprocate until I had a stroke last fall. They were really scared. And when I returned to campus they surrounded me with love and support. Because they matter immensely to me I matter immensely to them. 

A great big shout out goes out to my precious undergrads.

Jules Hathaway 

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Briarcliffe Prep

        Flirting and getting a taste of romance are very important experiences for teens--sometimes awkward or embarrassing, but often forming cherished memories. However,  not all relationships they enter into are benign. More than we'd like to think become psychologically, physically, and sexually abusive. Victims often doubt the harm--especially if partners appear remorseful and promise never again. They may be embarrassed. Friends and family members take sides. And now that their peers have Smartphones and no hesitation about filming and posting a private nightmare can evolve into trial by social media. Too few YA novels shine a light on teen dating violence and abusive relationships. Brianna Peppins' Briarcliff Prep is a brilliant exception. 

     Avi is a first year student at Briarcliff Prep an all girl Historically Black Boarding School. It and its brother school, Preston Academy, are family traditions. In fact between the two schools she has three older siblings on campus. She's counting on her beloved fourth year sister, Belle, to help her adjust.

    There's a lot to adjust to. She's sharing a room with someone who isn't family. There's unexpected competition for the spot on the school paper she has her heart set on. A very annoying rival is making it too personal. She is very much not ready for Algebra II. And there never seems to be enough time to do everything she has to, something I can really relate to.

     But she's hit it off really well with her roommate. The two have become part of a tight best friends group. A cute boy offers to help her with math. He may have more than friends potential. 

     Belle seems to be joined at the hip with Logan, a super popular Preston athlete. They're one of their schools' golden couples. But after overhearing a heated argument and seeing evidence of abuse Avi becomes concerned and tries to extricate her from what she can see is a dangerous relationship. 

     Belle has no desire to be saved and tells Avi to stay out of her business. As their relationship crumbles Avi is faced with a terrible decision: should she step back to save their sisterhood, risking Belle's safety, or she persist, knowing the price she might have to pay?

     Peppins tackles a challenging topic within the context of relatable characters in a dynamic setting that will engage teen readers. I sure hope this perceptive and talented writer is hard at work on her second book!

On a purrrsonal note, I won't be posting as frequently for awhile. My current internship has turned out to be a lot more challenging than I thought it would be. I'm falling behind and there never seems to be enough time for everything. 

A great big shout out goes out to Peppins for her gorgeous and truly engaging debut novel. 

Jules Hathaway 

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Growing Up In Public

     When I was a child social media was not even envisioned. Pictures were taken with cameras and shared in person or by mail. Recipients were usually relatives. A total humiliation was having a parent show a cool friend or love interest a bare bottom baby picture. We may have thought we didn't have enough privacy, but we had nothing to complain about compared to today's kids. In Growing Up in Public Devorah Heitner, PhD, clues parents in on the virtual world they inhabit. 

     Heitner knows that parents have major concerns about their offspring having access to social media. They might post something embarrassing that would blow the child's or family's carefully curated image. They could  post something that gets them canceled, in trouble with their school or law enforcement, and, further down the road, denied admission to a good college or a job they have their ❤️ set on. And what about those adult predators who pretend to be peers in able to use and harm them.

     Heitner doesn't pretend these worst case scenarios never happen. They do, although to a much lesser extent than parents are led to believe. She gets why many parents try to make sure incidents never happen by instilling fear of consequences and clamping down on access.

     But she doesn't recommend those tactics. As they grow up kids are learning who they are and what they stand for. Rather than focusing on keeping them out of trouble she thinks parents would do best to help kids develop character, become their authentic selves, and really understand concepts such as boundaries and consent. 

     And she also candidly discusses the many ways in which the parent(s) can be the problem such as oversharing on a parenting blog. 

     I'd recommend Growing Up in Public to parents and professionals who have concerns about children and teens and social media. It's comprehensive and well organized. And it makes a nice balance between theory and narrative. 

On a purrrsonal note, last weekend was awesome. Friday Eugene took me to the fireworks in Old Town. They were spectacular!!! Saturday was UMaine's Friends and Family weekend. It was well attended and enjoyed by human and canine guests and their student hosts. I volunteered mostly greeting people and answering questions, petting dogs, and helping my chums, Kevin and Gwen, with the student wellness table. Volunteers were treated to lunch and snacks. And I was given a food truck voucher which I spent on ice cream 🍦.

A great big shout out goes out to all participants in Saturday's event and, of course, my one and only Eugene. 

Jules Hathaway 

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