There is something different and disturbing about losing a loved to suicide that isn't present in losing them any other way. It's the element of choice, that they decided to leave permanently, that raises painful questions. Why did they? Why couldn't they believe that things could get better? Why didn't I notice the signs and do something before it was too late?
I was lucky. I was an adult when my cousin took his life, leaving the three young children he was single parenting. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a loved one to suicide during the already tumultuous teens. That's the plight of Reid, protagonist of Cameron Kelly Rosenblum's The Stepping Off Place.
Reid and Hattie have been besties since they were in middle school although they have distinctly different personalities, Hattie being the charismatic, popular, colorful, and impulsive sun the more reserved and cautious Reid moon revolves around. As the story begins Reid is eagerly awaiting Hattie's return from her annual summer spent with extended family in Maine. Their senior year is going to be epic, their exit from high school unforgettable.
But right before Hattie is due to return Reid's parents have to tell her that Hattie drowned the night before and that it's being considered suicide.
Reid can't believe that her vivacious, fun loving friend who had seemingly everything going for her would take her own life. She wishes her parents and guidance counselor would leave her alone. But as she investigates and learns of the many secrets people close to Hattie were keeping she discovers that even people who seem to have perfect lives can be overwhelmed with sadness.
The Stepping Off Place is a beautiful example of show, don't tell. In the text that moves between before and after chapters readers can navigate the complex and constantly changing relationships of the characters--the human milliu in which the story takes place. Seeing the world through Reid's eyes conveys the rawness and nearly unbearable pain of her grief.
This story is a very personal one for Rosenblum who lost a treasured long term friend. I'm going to quote extensively from her author's note here because trying to paraphrase such eloquence could never do it justice.
"Writing this book was a way for me to grieve and to confront what scared me to the core: that a person can at once be so funny and fun and beautiful, have all manner of creature comforts, can be loved by many, but also can secretly be suffering a sadness so immense, it's unimaginable to those who have never experienced major depression. To the person inside depression, it can seem like an unstoppable fog bank--distorting and disorienting, a suffocating, endless gray despair.
The Stepping Off Place started off as a rallying cry for myself. I wanted to explore how we who are left trying to make sense of a shattering and seemingly senseless loss, can come out the other side of that fog bank with our human spirit intact. Because I believe that we can--maybe not as the same person, but as someone who can carry on with the messy business of living a life, with all its joys and heartaches, loves and losses."
On a personal note, yesterday I got my diploma in the mail. I am so proud of it! Today I am taking Tobago to the vet for her annual checkup and shots. She is so not a fan!!! Wish me luck wrestling her into her cat 🐈 😻 🐈⬛️ carrier.
A great big shout out goes out to the Veazie Vet crew.
Jules Hathaway
Sent from my U.S.Cellular© Smartphone
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