Shame Nation

"Do you know, right now, what the Internet is saying about you? 

     Could one careless tweet cost you your job? Are nude photos of you lingering on your ex's smartphone?  Could one angry customer trash your small business?  Will a potential romance cool because of what's been posted about you online?"

     I got my first glimpse of internet nastiness when I saw my older daughter, then in high school, looking horrified.  She informed me that people were saying terrible things about me on the internet.  She'd stumbled on the comments for our local newspaper.  I'd had book reviews and opinion pieces published.  For the most part they were ungrammatical, poorly spelled rants that were more about suggestions for my sex life and afterlife than allusions to any of the points I made.  I told her to ignore them as "sound and fury, signifying nothing" (Shakespeare)

     My second encounter happened when I was a school vice chair.  Years before the governor had mandated the school systems in the state to consolidate or pay financial penalties.  Needless to say, as soon as the penalties disappeared a lot of school systems wanted out.  Scare tactics and misinformation weren't helping.  One night I ran a meeting in the chair's absence.  It was actually a fairly mundane financial meeting during which principals described their budgets and answered questions.  The next morning I read a venomous piece about me on a list serve.  I had bullied the principals and audience.  I wasn't fit to be a school committee member.

     I knew the person who wrote it.  She was a mom, concerned about her children's education.  My colleagues were ready to respond on my behalf.  I persuaded them that fighting back would just distract people from the real issue--our children's education.  

     Sue Scheff, author of Shame Nation: The Global Epidemic of Online Hate, would say I've had it easy so far.  I totally agree.  We've all heard the horror stories where even children are driven to suicide by relentless online torment.  Scheff's book is, in my opinion, a must read for an online age.  Here are some of the important points it makes:

     Sometimes viral shaming is a reaction to things we post.  Scheff urges readers to take the time to think before pushing the send button.  In the chapter entitled I Can't Believe They Posted That!  she dishes out plenty of good advice.  Don't think what you put out there will only be seen by friends.  Think of ways your message could be interpreted and misconstrued.  Think of the impact your message can have rather that the intent behind it.  And never post in the heat of emotion.

     Of course a lot of shaming stems from pure meanness on someone's part.  Trolls feed off of the misery of others.  Online fat shaming is a perfect example.  Scheff gives good advice on proactive protection, damage control, and coping with the painful and trust eroding aftermath of cyberbullying.

     She also reminds us that if the viciousness we now see on the internet doesn't reflect the virtual world we want to inhabit or raise children in we are not helpless.  We can be upstanders (as opposed to bystanders) and call meanness.  We can show up for victims.  We can even help elect people who will work to tame the Internet or run for office.  The book gets downright scary at times.  But it's definitely inspiring.

     For me the book is so relevant to young adults I'm buying a copy for the UMaine Student Wellness Center.  In the coming semesters I plan to run programs based on its messages.

On a purrrsonal note, I'm debating on whether or not I should start sharing my poetry on the Internet. I want to for good reasons.  I'm gender fluid and open about my experiences as an intersectional human in a world that is too often sexist, homophobic, racist, classist, ableist, and ageist.  I lot of people I in person share with say my words really help.  I'd like to help more people feel seen and validated.  The fear that makes me hesitate comes from knowing my views probably would offend some trolls.  This is something I'll think long and hard about.  I didn't have fears about starting this blog because 11 1/2 years ago I didn't know I had anything to fear.  (Jules)

I know many fine felines have a social media presence.  But right now at least I'll stick with real life. (Tobago)

A great big shout out goes out to upstanders in virtual and real life.

Tobago and Jules Hathaway 

     

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