All Joy And No Fun

All Joy And No Fun

Parenting
If you're a parent, unless you've maybe been elected president
of the United States or something of similar magnitude, the children
you brought into the world probably changed your life more
dramatically, more joyfully and terrifyingly, than anything before or
since. (I know that's true for me.) No matter how many how to books
you encounter, you spend much of your time in what seems to be
uncharted territory, often fielding several crises at once. And you
probably spend at least some time wondering if you're getting it right.
Most of us do.
If you're a member of this humungous club you will find Jennifer
Senior's All Joy And No Fun: The Paradox Of Modern Parenting very
reassuring. She focuses on parenthood as a stage in the life cycle,
rather than parenting, all too often seen as a high stakes competition
where one can never nurture well enough. She looks at the ways
children alter the lives of parents from the marriage disruption and
sleeplessness of the caring for infant years to the stress of teenage
rebellion and risk taking. She also expounds on the history of
families to show us that the the conceptions of childhood and teenage
life that seem to us to be etched in stone are anything but.
If you have older children here's an adage you've probably heard
and repeated about a gazillion times: the days are long but the years
are short. In the trenches of day to day, particularly when you're
running on empty from sleep deprivation, there seems to be an unending
store of chores, punctuated by moments of crisis. But kids also
provide us with some of the most transcendent experiences of joy and
fulfillment life has to offer. I think that's the paradox Senior
alludes to in her subtitle. All Joy And No Fun can be a big help in
understanding and coping with the oversized feelings evoked so often
by our undersized bundles of joy. Whether you're raising toddlers,
teens, or any stage in between it's a darn good investment.
On a personal note, as my regular readers know I stayed home to raise
my kids. During this time I got myself elected to school committee
and discovered my passion for educational reform. With the kids
nearly all grown, there are people who think I'm crazy to be focussed
on getting into grad school instead of getting a job, working, and
retiring. A much bigger majority think I'm wonderful to have this
kind of devotion. Actually it's neither. I can't imagine being any
other way. I was pleased to see in the book that highly generative
adults--ones who invest self in not sure thing ventures like social
change--would find a path like the one I want especially
psychologically adaptive. We're not crazy or saintly, just wired a
bit differently. Vive la difference!
A great big shout goes out to my fellow parents around the world and
the generations who raised us.
Julia Emily Hathaway



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