Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads

Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads

Do you have a few less than fond memories of junior high/middle
school? Did you think with graduation you'd put all the drama behind
you? Have you discovered that when your own kids get old enough for
school some of your fellow parents seem not to have, shall we say,
matured much? No, you are not paranoid. Luckily there is help in
store for navigating this often confusing, sometimes quite frustrating
scene. Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees & Wannabees has taken
the same candid look at parent social behavior as she did at that of
school kids. Her Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads packs a lot of
wisdom and good advice.
Wiseman wrote Queen Bees & Wannabees to help parents understand
and help their kids navigate the treacherous water of what she calls
Girl World and Boy World. As she toured to promote that book she
found a lot of parents who wanted the same kind of assistance in
surviving Perfect Parent World, "...It's a world that convinces
parents to make decisions based on their fear of other people's
judgements and leaves them struggling over whether and how much to get
involved in their children's schools and social lives. In this world,
many parents compete ruthlessly through their children, while other
parents fear to speak out against them. And it has all of us reliving
the traumas and dilemmas of our own youth, even as we're surprised to
learn that those decades-long obsessions have returned or are still
alive--if indeed they ever disappeared entirely."
Wiseman opens Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads with the same candor
that marked her earlier book. It's not always the other parent being
outrageous. We love our kids. When we perceive them to be
disadvantaged or in jeopardy it doesn't always bring out the best in
us. Wiseman, a self-professed far-from-perfect parent, encourages us,
with compassion rather than condemnation, to look in the mirror as
well as outward. She tells us how to confront overbearing parents.
She also tells us how to put a check on our own misbehaviors.
We start with an analysis of Perfect Parent World. Checklists
show what moms and dads consider acting like a mom or a dad. (The mom
one seems inpossible except maybe in the world of The Stepford Wives.)
There is extensive analysis of the roles moms and dads play in their
respective social groups. Some filters through which we view life--
marital status, race/ethnicity, religion, and generation are brought up.
Part two brings this wisdom to bear on more specific situations--
dealing with folks like:
*teachers who grade unfairly
*principals who won't intervene
*coaches who bully or belittle
*bad sport spectators
*PTAs that exclude all but in crowd parents
*adults who slander
*parents who think someone else's kid is always to blame...
This is a very insightful, useful book which I highly recommend.
On a personal note, I felt vindicated when I read it. Wiseman put it
in black and white. Some parents are outcasts because of factors like
living in the "wrong"neighborhood. Every time I had a child enter
kindergarten I reached out to the other kids' parents in the spirit of
friendship, only to be excluded. Because of this I am all the more
appreciative of the many fine friends I've since made in the larger
world.
A great big shout out goes out to parents, teachers, coaches, and
other grownups who can behave like adults for the benefit of all our
kids.
Julia Emily Hathaway
HOT OFF THE PRESS: I was just flipping through a recent issue of
Family Circle and found that Wiseman has a NEW book out, Masterminds
and Wingmen. Parents of boys, stay tuned. I plan to read and review
as soon as Joyce can obtain the book through inter library loan.
YOWZA!!!





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