before happiness

before happiness

You probably know at least one couple who when wife and husband
speak of the kids you wonder if they're talking about the same
people. She talks about their success in school, their ethical
behavior, and their great personalities. He talks about their
inability or unwillingness to do things like wash dishes and pick up
towels. God knows they both want the offspring to succeed. But where
she sees this as a probability he believes their shortcomings doom them.
Shawn Achor speaks to this and related issues in before
happiness: the 5 hidden keys to achieving success, spreading
happiness, and sustaining change. I have no idea why I picked this
book up. Normally phrases like "5 hidden keys" act as a powerful
detterent, implying in my mind a simplistic mind set. The fact that I
not only checked it out but read it cover to cover despite my bias
should tell you it's worth at least skimming.
We all want happiness and success. We don't all achieve them.
People in the helping professions and psychology have spent like a
gazilion hours trying to figure out why. Achor seems to have a clue.
"...The reason some people were thriving while others--people in
the exact same situation--were stuck in hopelessness was that they
were literally living in different realities. Some were living in a
reality in which happiness and success seemed possible, despite the
obstacles. Others were living in a reality where it was not. After
all, how could someone expect to achieve happiness or success when
stuck in a mindset that neither was possible?"
Now, does that make sense or does that make sense?
Following a pretty persuasive lead in, Achor devotes a chapter
to each of his five keys: choosing the most valuable reality, mapping
your success route, finding success accelerants, boosting your
positive signal by eliminating the negative noise, and transferring
your positive reality to others. Each carries a good balance between
theoretical (why it works) and practical (real life suggestions).
The chapter on eliminating noise explains that you can only take
in a miniscule fragment of the information you're being bombarded
with--both from the environment and from your inner voices. Instead
of being tossed here and there like a ship at sea, it can be a good
idea to recognize what is positive and useful and try to filter out at
least some of the rest. Some of the suggestions include: limiting
news of tragedies you can do nothing about, disengaging from
distracting media and conversations, keeping worry in proportion to
the actual liklihood of an event, and taking a few minutes to write
down what you feel really good and care about.
If there's some area of your life you'd like to do better in,
whether it's getting a promotion at work, losing weight, getting along
better with your spouse, giving your children support and
encouragement in their transition to adulthood, or any of a myriad of
other concerns, before happiness can be a valuable way to envision
this matter dear to your heart as possible and then go out and make it
happen.
On a personal note, after I lost my first school committee election
family and friends thought I should give up. Someone from Greystone
would have a chance of a snowball in Hell. I, on the other hand, saw
winning as inevitable once folks saw who I was and put aside the
trailer park trash stereotype. I went door to door. The result? I'm
vice chair of the Veazie School Committee :) in my ninth year.
A great big shout out goes out to all who envision and work for
success on a wide scale. Our society sure does need you to heal a
myriad of ills.
Julia Emily Hathaway


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One Frozen Lake

One Frozen Lake

Picture book
Ice fishing is something special. Nothing so brings home the
message that there is a time and season for everything. A lake that
months ago was loud and busy with the chorus of frogs, the flitting
jewel toned insects is hushed, frozen, seemingly in a state of rest.
Waiting and watching, unhooked from electronics, leads to
contemplation. Trees on shore extend snow lacy limbs in benediction.
Deborah Jo Larson's One FROZEN Lake beautifully captures the
intricate joys of this quintessentially Maine (and other northern
states) pastime. A freckle faced boy, wide eyed with curiosity,
accompanies his granfather, learning the ropes. At one point they
meet up with others, sharing hot chocolate and the easy companionship
this pursuit enables. You don't need to be told that Grampy was
initiated by elders on his family. You hope that the little boy once
grown will be living in a world where he can pass his skill on to a
son or daughter.
Steve Johnson and Lou Fancher's illustrations pair up perfectly
with the lyrical text. I adore the contrast in the way the above ice
and below ice worlds are pictured. The human world is depicted in
realistic detail down to the ads wallpapering the inside of the ice
shack. The fish, in contrast, are portrayed whimsically, there are
hook sporting fish, plaid fish, fish looking more like quilt patches
than underwater denizens...
With winter on the way, I highly recommend this loving tribute
to taking joy in the world of nature and intergenerational
companionship.
On a personal note, this book brought back precious memories of a day
the hubby and his brother brought their sons to a frozen lake on a
crisp January day, way back when I didn't have to stand on tiptoe to
kiss Adam. I can't recall any keeper sized fish, but the boys'
unwavering enthusiasm and joy de vivre made the journey truly memorable.
A great big shout out goes out to all who, in beautiful defiance of
the media domination of our age, introduce youngsters to traditional
pastimes. Even ones as simple as reading out loud or playing board
games reinforce the unique joy of real human contact. Those that
involve the great outdoors train the future stewards of the world of
nature.
I chose this book to review as a tribute to my mentor, Dr. Betsy
Webb. She has a true appreciation for the majesty of the untamed
natural world, one of the many traits I so respect in her.
Julia Emily Hathaway


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Navigating Early

Navigating Early

Louise was grinning ear to ear as she held out a book, knowing
if I had to choose between unlimited quanities of candy and the chance
to read Clare Vanderpool's latest novel, the sweets would lose out.
Which is really saying something. She'd secured it by inter library
loan but didn't think she'd have time to read it. Perhaps she knew
someone who would...
Ever since I'd read Clare's Moon Over Manifest I'd been praying
for her to write something else. She has such a spell binding voice,
the ability to create such a compelling world that putting her book
down to make supper or meet some other family need was like swimming
up from the depths of the ocean to adjust to the terrestrial world.
(BTW the folks who award the Newberry Award are in agreement about the
specialness of her writing.) I had no doubt her second novel would
live up to the promise of her first. I was so right! Navigating
Early is the total cat's pajamas.
World War II is finally winding down. Jack, a Kansas boy, has
been uprooted after the unexpected death of his mother by a father who
is basically a stranger to him. As the story begins he's starting a
term at the Maine boarding school he's been enrolled in. The
headmaster urges him to "jump in" to Morton Hill Academy life. "If
you want to sit with a group in the lunchroom, they'll probably let
you. If you want to go off and sit by yourself, they'll probably let
you too."
Jack ends up spending time with Early, the younger brother of
one of the most highly regarded athletes the school ever produced.
Not that he's much like his sibling. He wanders through life,
attending classes when he chooses, living alone in the basement of the
gym building, making up stories about the numbers of the mathematical
concept pi...
As a fall vacation begins Jack finds himself alone with Early
when his father is unable to pick him up. He learns that Early is
about to go on a quest to find Pi whom he's sure is lost, a quest
involving a humungous and probably dangerous bear. Jack joins Early,
reasoning that it would be preferable to be lost together than to be
lost alone. On their lyrical, bittersweet, journey the boys meet very
colorful characters and learn poignant lessons that bring them closer
to coming of age.
If you want to read the book we'll let you. If you ignore my
reviewing and pass up this opportunity we'll let you too. But you'll
be missing out on so much!!!
On a personal note, I had the chance to meet and converse with Clare
several times when she was a speaker at the recent Bangor Book
Festival. I found her to be as amazing in person as her writing is.
Let me tell you, I was living the dream!
A great big shout out goes out to Clare and the other authors who came
to Bangor for this event and to Barbara McDade and the others who did
all the behind the scenes work necessary to make it possible!
Julia Emily Hathaway




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Twelve Tribes

Twelve Tribes

"Hattie knew her children did not think her a kind woman--
perhaps she wasn't, but there hadn't been time for sentiment when they
were young. She had failed them in vital ways, but what good would it
have done to spend the days hugging and kissing if there hadn't been
anything to put in their bellies? They didn't understand that all the
love she had was taken up with feeding and clothing them and preparing
them to meet the world. The world would not love them; the world
would not be kind."
The matriarch protagonist of Ayana Mathis' The Twelve Tribes of
Hattie has not been treated kindly by the world. Hattie was a teen in
1923 when she and her mother and sisters moved from Georgia to
Philadelphia seeking a better life. She was seventeen and missing her
family (her mother having died and her sisters having moved away) when
her first borns, her baby twins, had died in her arms from pneumonia.
She carried the scar of their loss throughout life. Her womanizing,
never able to earn enough husband made raising the nine children that
followed quite the challenge. As the children grew up they presented
challenges of their own.
The narrative strands of the chapters of The Twelve Tribes of
Hattie speak with the voices of Hattie, her children, and finally a
grandchild. You will meet:
*Hattie struggling desperately to save little Jubilee and Philadelphia
and then to help them die in peace
*musician Floyd struggling with his homosexuality in 1948 when this
kind of difference was punished savagely
*Alice in 1968 desperately alone in the mansion of a husband who
doesn't really accept her
*Franklin in Nam in 1969 thinking back on a failed relationship while
soldiering in Vietnam...
I'm not sure others will see the resemblance, but I am put in
mind of the writings of Maine's own Carolyn Chute. Both authors take
families most of us would not want in our neighborhoods and follow
their tribulations, their members' battering by fate and each other,
their complexity and interconnectedness in a way that grants them some
measure of humanity and dignity. They, in all their hurts and
imperfections, are dealt with tenderly by their author creators. We
see that their difference from us is one of degree, not dichotomy.
A work of the depth and maturity of The Twelve Tribes of Hattie
is amazing as a debut novel. We can expect great things from its very
young creator.
On a personal note, my sweet Joey cat had to be taken to the emergency
vet hospital in the middle of the night a little over a week ago. He
had a urinary tract infection which led to crystals. Two days later
he was back with us, much improved and ever so happy to be back with
us. As I write this on my ipad touch, he is curled up on my lap,
purring contentedly.
A great big shout out goes out to everyone who restored Joey to good
health!
Julia Emily Hathaway


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The BIG DISCONNECT

The BIG DISCONNECT

Parenting
"Neil Postman concluded his book The Disappearance of Childhood
by entreating parents to conceive of parenting 'as an act of
rebellion' against the dehumanizing aspects of the emerging tech and
popular culture. 'It is not conceivable that our culture will forget
that it needs children,' he wrote. "But it is halfway toward
forgetting that children need childhood. Those who insist on
remembering shall perform a noble service."
Yowza!!! I can not imagine what the man would have to say 31
years later.
I found that quote in Catherine Steiner-Adair's The BIG
DISCONNECT: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the
Digital Age. Written by a clinical psychologist, it is full of the
pitfalls of our rapidly evolving, ever more online world. She knows
whereof she speaks. This is a book I would recommend for every parent
of babies through teens.
Technology can be hazardous for children and families in a
number of ways including:
Smartphones and other devices can get in the way of parent child
bonding. Babies and children need unitasking moms and dads giving them
security and comfort and helping them learn about this world they've
been born into. Electronic devices can let them know they are less
important than whatever that thing is.
Families are the arena in which children learn the ins and outs
of interpersonal communication. Conversations at the dinner table,
shared chores, board games, even those sibling arguments we parents
find so annoying teach kids how to listen, negotiate, communicate, and
apologize in a relatively safe environment. When every person in a
house is engaged with a separate electronic device or mustitasking
with several this is so not happening. Many people are finding face
to face or even phone conversations scarily unpredictable and
preferring to limit themselves to texting and updating.
Electronic devices can interfere with essential developmental
tasks. Babies and toddlers learn best by manipulating objects, not
tuning in to Baby Einstein. Elementary students can learn a skimming,
rather than a deep, meaningful, and deeply engaged style of reading.
Kids of all ages who are bombarded with electronic stimuli can not
achieve the quiet to connect with their inner resources or creativity
inspiring boredom.
Despite all these perils, Steiner-Adair remains an optimist.
Her seven guidelines for creating and maintaining a sustainable
family--mindful, attuned to one another, using but not used by
technology--give us all a lot to work with. They empower us to be
those moms and dads who parent as an act of rebellion, who render our
children a "noble service."
On a personal note, last Friday night I was in a place that was
anything but disconnected: Orono Arts Cafe. It's a once a month
family oriented performance venue with a warm, intimate setting and
amazing refreshments. It was my first time there and my first time
reading my poems to an audience. I read three: one about Halloween
(dressed for the occassion in a cow costume with a red and black
feather boa), one about giving Joey cat pills, and one about saving
the life of a heat sick dragonfly.
It was a truly transcendent experience. I was on cloud nine. I owned
that stage and the audience loved me. A star is born. Oh, yeah! How
lucky we are to have such a warm, safe, and connected space to be in!
Yowza!
A great big shout out goes out to Terrie, Eric, Mary, and all the
others who put so much time and work into creating and maintaining
Orono Arts Cafe! You are the total cat's pajamas!
Julia Emily Hathaway


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Saving The School

Saving The School

James Baldwin once said, "The price one pays for pursuing any
profession or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side."
Going into my 9th year as a school board member, I'd say that adage is
spot on in regard to our standardized test obsessed educational
system. I've been through more than enough meetings where, under the
auspices of No Child Left Behind and Race To The Top, numbers were
anxiously scrutinized. Where do we stand in the pack? Did our
special ed or free and reduced lunch kids come through? Whew, we bit
the bullet this time.
In this nightmare world where the fates of children, teachers,
and even schools come to rest on scores, some schools, often those
serving poorer communities, are shut down or taken over. In Texas in
2009 Reagan High had been termed "academically unacceptable."
Principal Anabel Garza was given one year to turn things around or no
longer have a school to preside over. In other words bring up the
test scores or else.
This would be quite the challenge. Many of the better test
scorers had abandoned Reagan for academically acceptable schools. A
lot of kids came from impoverished families with their challenges.
Some had to work so their families could survive. For many students
English was a new and confusing second language. A number of girls
were pregnant or parenting.
This year is beautifully documented in Michael Brick's Saving
The School. Although it's real life, it's as suspenseful and riveting
as any created fiction. Brick follows the determined and unorthodox
principal, a teacher who opens her home to kids, an alumnus coach
wishing to restore his school to its former glory, and a number of
students through ups and downs and formidable challenges. He has
created a work that will enlighten all who care about education and
bring joy to lovers of underdog triumphing stories.
A couple of chapters are framed in ways that shape the pace
vividly. In one excerpts from a speech by Barack Obama are
interspersed with descriptions of the much less rosy reality of
Reagan. A basketball game against the number one rival takes on the
heart pounding suspense of the event by the scattering throughout of
cheers.
"Pull it down
Pull it down
Raiders get
That rebound."
Well,
Take a look!
Take a look!
Readers check out
This excellent book!
On a personal note, as much as I was pulling for the school I was
saddened that the requirement for salvation was bringing those numbers
up. Not only in this school, but in so many others, without this
pressure and the need to teach to the test, curricula could be
developed to meet student needs and inspire. Wouldn't that be so much
better?
A great big shout out goes out to all who fight for schools and kids
and their futures.
Julia Emily Hathaway


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World Came To Town

World Came To Town

One day Adam suggested a book I might like to read. He sure had
made a good choice. Jim Defede's The Day The World Came To Town is
one of the most eloquent, heart warming, inspiring books I have ever
laid eyes on.
A lot of us either didn't realize or have forgotten that
following the terrorist attacks of 9/11 America's air space was
closed. Period. No planes allowed in. There was one major problem.
A lot of them were headed over from across the ocean and could not
just turn around. Where could they land?
Thank God for Canada, our good neighbor to the North. It became
the rerouted destination. A number of planes touched down in the
little town of Gander, Newfoundland. An amazing parade of aircraft
began passing over its citizens. Most of them put their lives on hold
a week to tend to the needs of a huge crowd of unexpected but very
welcome guests.
Even if passengers had only been detained long enough for
security clearance thirty-eight planes would have created a lot of
work just in tasks like refueling, restocking food and water, and
emptying sewage. Fortunately prominent citizens intuited that the
passengers weren't going anywhere fast. They set in motion an
initiative that set out to meet all their potential needs. By the
time the first plane discharged its human cargo, buses were on hand to
deliver them to shelters set up in schools and other buildings,
equipped not only with bedding and food but with people to take care
of them.
In that endeavor they went way above and beyond the call of self
appointed duty. They gave rides wherever they were needed and opened
their homes freely to people needing showers. They facilitated
communications with loved ones in other countries. They located
kosher food for those who required it and created a birthday party for
kids missing out on a celebratory trip to Disney. Those myriad acts
of kindness cemented friendships between the Newfoundlanders and their
guests.
The Day The World Came To Town beautifully documents the
challenges and joys they shared and the bonds they forged. It's a
must read. It will renew faith that in a world where there seems to
be so much bad news amazing grace can still prevail.
On a personal note, we have been having incredible Indian summer
weather with golden days in the 70s. Time to read in my swing. I
celebrated my birthday September 21. The family went out to Ground
Round. Tomorrow I am so lucky because my Christine and I are getting
a combined birthday party thrown for us.
A great big shout out goes out to family and friends.
Julia Emily Hathaway


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