Rules for Being a Girl

     My good friend Bailey is a Social Work graduate student who is kind enough to give me rides to and from school which is a huge help, especially in the winter. Today she gave me a ride home with a stop at the library to pick up some books for me to review. We were talking about sexual relationships that are against the law and unethical, especially when they involve power imbalances. We started off in the realm of literature but quickly segued to real life. She told me about professionals in her field losing jobs for inappropriate relationships with clients. 

     I told her about an experience I had in high school. During a unit on swimming my gym teacher touched me aggressively under my bathing suit and told me to keep it our little secret. I was afraid that he'd touch other girls so I did report him only to be told I was a "vicious little liar trying to ruin a good man's reputation."...

     ...I was 14. I hadn't even had my first period...

     ...As parents we want to believe these things don't happen...

     ...but they do. So how do parents bring up a subject many teens often don't want to discuss with adults? Candace Bushnell and Katie Cotugno provide a most excellent resource in their Rules for Being a Girl. It provides teens with much needed information in the context of a truly engaging narrative. It's a book I would have given my daughters if they weren't adults. 

    Marin is an excellent student whose goals are to get into Brown University and become an investigative journalist. As the very engaged and conscientious co-editor of the school paper, she practically lives in the office, having frequent personal conversations with the faculty advisor, Bex (Mr. Beckett).

     Bex starts off slow. He gives Marin a ride home one night so she won't have to wait for her mother to pick her up. He tells her that she probably shouldn't tell anybody. Another night he brings her to his apartment, ostensibly to pick up a book he wants to lend her. When he kisses her she fortunately leaves before things escalate even more.

     At first Marin isn't sure she should do anything. Maybe she did lead him on. When she does report him nothing happens. In fact it's suggested that she misinterpreted things. And Bex gets downright vindictive. 

     The title of the book alludes to another not discussed enough issue Marin encounters in school: the way girls are micromanaged by stuff like dress codes (wouldn't want them to distract the boy from their studies) and male peers are left alone.

     It's a book I wish had been around when I was 14. It's an excellent introduction to feminism and social justice for teens of all genders.

On a purrrsonal note, I had a great day today. It was First Friday Bagels. I had my favorite sweet cinnamon. Bailey ran a jewelry making workshop which was much enjoyed by all who participated. I took the pictures and made a necklace with really cute beads. I got home in time to read outside near my 💐 🌹 🌸 🏵 🌼.

A great big shout out goes out to Bailey who is a really good friend and someday, as a social worker, will be a real help to her clients and a credit to her profession. 

Jules Hathaway 

    

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