Childfree by Choice

Childfree by Choice

Adult nonfiction
Although I adored motherhood and consider my relationships with
my adult children to be one of the greatest joys of my life, I brought
my kids up to see parenthood as an option, one with costs as well as
benefits, only one of a range of good and meaningful lifestyles.
Don't do this to make me a grandmother. Don't do this because society
tries to mandate it. Don't do this unless you and your significant
other want it for yourselves.
UMaine's Dr. Amy Blackstone would have approved. She's the
author of the book I'm giving my kids for Christmas this year:
Childfree by Choice. She knows what she writes about as both a
researcher and a happy childfree by choicer.
Unfortunately not all people are as enlightened as I am. Still
in the 21st century (when we really should know better) people
(including parents) pressure new high school and college graduates and
people just starting out on career paths to have children even if they
have no interest whatsoever in doing so. People who choose childfree
life styles are demonized in person and on social media. Former
friends and even their own parents can feel free to shun them. And
there are all those unsubstantiated toxic myths floating around.
Blackstone calls bullshit--elegantly and eloquently, of course.
In Childfree by Choice she neatly blends a wealth of research with
candid personal experience to craft a highly powerful and cogent
narrative. Among the fallacies she exposes are:
*People who choose not to procreate hate children;
*The childfree are selfish and parents aren't;
*People (especially women) who opt out of parenthood are cold and
incapable of close, intimate relationships;
*As they grow older childfree people will be alone and destitute while
adult children will rush to take care of their parents;
*In those years childfree people will deeply regret missing out because
*childraising is the only way to have a meaningful, fulfilling life,
especially if you're a woman.
Blackstone also suggests that childfree by choice and parenting
people aren't doomed to be advisories. We actually have a lot in
common. There are meaningful changes we can make together that will
benefit us all including children.
So who should read the book?
People who are childless by choice and deserve this affirmation;
People like me who want to be better allies to our childless by
choice friends and family members;
People who suspect that the myths they're being sold might not
be true,
And people who believe the myths and need to see how divisive
and dangerous they are,
Which works out to just about everyone.
The book is also a wonderful Christmas, birthday, or no special
occassion gift for childfree by choice loved ones, a way to show them
that we adore them just the way we are.
On a purrrsonal note,
My amazing children are happy, well adjusted, ethical, productive
humans engaged in meaningful long term relationships. I couldn't
possibly be more proud of them. I love relating to them as friends
and equals. In fact my older daughter who earned her pandemic PhD is
a mentor to me.
Why? Because I'm that oddity--a 69-year-old part time graduate
student in a program I love so much that after I earn my masters I
want to go on for a PhD even though Bangor Daily News will cover my
octogenarian hooding. I'm just soaring--discovering interests and
talents, following a dream. Rather than burdening my children with a
mandate to create little people to add meaning to my post child
raising years, I created what for me is a meaningful life style:
continued education, continued marriage, and cat parenting.
People have given me very unsolicited warnings that unless my
kids procreate I'll be doomed to the tragedy of the "empty nest." Um
really? Nothing empty about my nest with all the undergrads I
otheraunt, especially those rejected by family for being gay or trans.
A great big shout out goes out to my favorite CBC families: Amber and
Brian; Katie, Jacob, and Archie (cat); and Adam, Asia, and Beans and
Delilah (cats) and to Blackstone for teaching me how to be a better
ally and advocate for them. Maybe when this pandemic is over I'll get
to thank her in person. After we are both Black Bears
Jules Hathaway and companion cat Tobago





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