White Tears/Brown Scars

White Tears/Brown Scars

Adult nonfiction
"At the time of writing the column, I was attempting to make
sense of a number of conflicts I'd had that follow this unwritten
script and left me wondering why, whenever I tried to approach a white
female friend or colleague about something she had said or done that
had had a negative impact on me, I somehow always ended up apologizing
to her though I was certain that I was the one who had been wronged.
With diminished confidence and second-guessing my own recollection of
events, I was left floundering, either angry and unheard or terrified
I would lose a friend of a job if I didn't back down."
We tend to see tears as signs of helplessness. Children, for
instance, cry quite often. But tears can also be weaponized by adult
white women as Ruby Hamad, quoted above, points out in her White Tears/
Brown Scars: How White Feminism Betrays Women Of Color. It happens
all the time. A brown or black woman approaches a white woman with a
grievance. Rather than listen and discuss, the white woman breaks
down in tears. People rush to her aid. The woman of color is seen as
a bully. And her grievance, even a quite legitimate one, is swept
under the rug.
Hamad devotes the whole book to exploring the phenomenon and its
origins. She goes back in history to the world of colonialism when
stereotypes like Jezebels, Sapphires, and Dragon Ladies were developed
to differentiate women of color from and keep them in bondage to
"pure", "virtuous" white ladies. She looks at how those caricatures
were used to show that only white women could be damsels in distress.
She explores the strong antagonism many of the most influential
sufragettes felt toward blacks getting the vote.
Hamad goes on to show that this weaponization of tears is not
something that just happened in the past. It still imperils women of
color on the job, in relationships, and online. It is even in a lot
of places you wouldn't expect it to be like non governmental
charitable organizations where white directors use this strategy when
recipients of help try to explain what they really need. It's a
regular go to for white feminists who feel that women of color are too
divisive and angry. Women of Arab descent were seen as traitors, for
instance, in the 2016 election if they weren't 100% behind Hillary
Clinton even though her foreign policies were disastrous for Arab
nations.
This in depth, insightful, and scholarly volume is a must read
for all of us who are white women. We need to do a lot better by the
women of color we pay lip service to wanting as sisters in arms.
Every college and public library needs at least one copy.
On a purrrsonal note, Eugene gave me an exciting gift yesterday. New
dish towels. Many of my old ones were threadbare so these pretty
spring toned ones made me very happy.
Today I did some furniture moving. Awhile back the kids, inspired by
my transformation of the girls' old bedroom into my beautiful studio,
had decided to turn Adam's old room into a man cave for their dad. As
the one still living in the house, my job was to clear out everything
including the furniture. I was doing just fine until...
...you guessed it. Pandemic! Today I managed by judicious furniture
shuffling to get another bookcase out. When spring cleanup takes
place I'll dismantle the bed and take the parts to the curb. When
it's safe to do so I'll cash in all the bags of returnables that have
been piling up in there. Then all that will be in there is stuff Adam
will need to go through.
Finally, I got cotton candy in 6 flavors for Christmas. I didn't want
to throw out the cute containers. I'm repurposing them to hold little
things like erasers, glue sticks, and paper clips. I'm anticipating a
good week. I'm especially excited for all the library books Emily
will gather for me! (Jules)
Of course I supervised all that furniture rearranging. (Tobago)
A great big shout out goes out to all for whom this is the first day
of spring semester.
Tobago and Jules Hathaway


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