Running Home

Running Home

Adult memoir
"I've run through winter, on steep, snow-packed peaks with metal
spikes strapped to my shoes so I won't slip. I've risen early to
sneak out at first light in late spring, the air sweet with lilacs.
I've run high above the tree line at twelve thousand feet in late
August, climbing through wildflowers and into the clouds until the
world below feels like a dream..."
Until I read I read Katie Arnold's Running Home, quoted above,
I'd thought marathons were as hard core as running races went. Boy,
was I wrong! Ultrarunners make twenty-six miles look puny. Can you
believe people like Arnold run distances like 50 miles and 100 Ks?
And they don't do it on just tame old streets. They run up mountains
and through volcanoes in places where bears, cougars, and rattlesnakes
dwell. If you're anything like me you are wondering why in the world
anyone would want to do that. For Arnold it had turned out to be her
salvation.
Arnold had had a complicated relationship with her father who
had caused his marriage to implode by committing adultery. He and her
mother had ended up in different parts of the country. Her time with
him was then limited to visits. Although she admired and adored him,
feeling that in her family he was the one most like herself, she also
often felt abandoned. She had so many questions that she couldn't
risk asking...
...even as an adult. Arnold was grown and married with two
children of her own, an infant and a toddler, when she received
horrifying news. Her previously healthy father had terminal cancer.
Suddenly there was talk of last wishes and cremation. After months in
which she shuttled between her home and his, nursing baby in carrier,
the inevitable happened.
Her father's death shattered Arnold's world. She became
depressed and angry, and convinced she was coming down with a number
of fatal illnesses. But after about a year of raising very young
children while seriously grieving she realized what she needed to
start healing--to train for and run a 50K.
I'd especially recommend this poignant and perceptive book to
anyone who has suffered a recent painful loss and learned that
grieving can take a lot more time and space than out society seems to
think it should. Even folks like me who are unable to run a 5K can
learn a lot from her observations and thoughts.
On a purrrsonal note, this was a book that I really needed to read. I
spent last summer doing my work shifts and providing hospice for my
beloved companion of sixteen years, Joey cat. He was with me for so
many of the bright and splendid years of my children's growing up. He
was there also through the lonliness of their leaving and the
frustrations of not knowing how to make my remaining years good ones
in a world that deemed me good for only retail or fast food. He was
the epitome of loyal and true. At Veazie Vet they said we were one of
the most tightly bonded human-animal pairs ever.
Needless to say, when Joey died I fell apart. I felt like I was
walking around with half a heart in me. I cried almost constantly at
home. I dreaded going home when I was at school. I talked to Joey
every night. I feared losing my memories of the feel of his fur, the
light in his gold eyes, his moves and mannerisms--all that made him
unique. Because that would be like losing him again. And I had my
own form of hypochondria. I kind of forgot that breathing is
automatic. I kept having this panicky feeling that if I didn't
concentrate on inhaling and exhaling my body would stop. It happened
everywhere. If I was in bed I'd make myself stay up for hours, sure
that if I dozed off I'd never wake up. I'd be terrified of being
called on in class if this happened (even though I'm big on class
participation) because how could I talk and breathe at the same time?
Well when I read the book and realized that Arnold had had experiences
like mine it was an amazing relief to learn that I wasn't uniquely
abnormal, rather reacting naturally to an exceptionally painful loss.
I've even started talking to my children about them. (Jules)
It is still much too hot out. (Tobago)
Handy hydration hint. Before you go to bed drink a little water out
of a bottle (it expands when it freezes) and put it in your freezer.
When you wake up it will be frozen solid. As the ice melts you will
have refreshingly cold water. ;-)
A great big shout out goes out to Joseph Jacob Hathaway, the best
little cat in the world, who will live on in my heart as long as I can
breathe.
Tobago and Jules Hathaway



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