The Bold World

The Bold World

Adult memoir
"A friend of mine once told me, 'Parenthood means delivering
optimism to your children.' But I'm filled with only pessimism about
the future. It's clear that dark envelopes light, bad beats up on
good. Women do, in fact, break. Smiling requires an effort I just
don't have. And joy? It's packed up its bags and gone elsewhere."
I think most of us who have children anywhere from diapers to
closing in on diplomas can relate to the sentiments expressed by Jodie
Patterson in the prologue to her The Bold World: A Memoir Of Family
And Transformation. I'm pretty sure many of us are experiencing
similar emotions in this modern day plague time even if the kids are
grown and flown and in touch by social media or phone.
At that low point in her life Patterson had a grueling work
schedule, a husband, an ex husband, and five children. Her method of
coping had been setting goals and going all out to achieve them. The
one thing that sent her over the edge was an announcement by her then
toddler, Penelope, that had totally blindsided her. She'd had to come
home to figure her life out.
Home lies at the core of Patterson's life. She came from a long
line of strong women: a great great grandmother who had chosen not to
pass as white despite the serious privilege and safety it would have
given her, a great grandmother who obtained a college degree in the
early 1900s, a time during which black women were not being steered
toward higher education, and a grandmother who had books signed by her
good friend, James Baldwin. Protesting for civil rights and being
arrested and jailed were part of family life in the civil rights era.
Her parents had worked dilligently to give their children a life in
which they would not receive inadequate resources or feel second
class, at one point founding and running a school for Black children.
In Patterson's growing up home, however, sexism had been an
unpleasant and unexamined reality. Her parents had occuppied
traditional spheres. When she'd graduated college her father had
encouraged her to do what she loved. But when she suggested grad
school, he'd shut her down. It was for 'gay, fat, or ugly women'--
women who, being unable to net a husband, would have to provide for
themselves. Her skin color could land her a prime catch.
"We weren't equals, not in his mind. And we might never be.
Men pursued degrees, as he had, so they could change the world. But
women need only be smart enough to marry well, raise outstanding
children, and run an efficient household..."
Patterson's most profound challenge had hit her within the
context of home and family. Her third born child had shown from just
about the beginning an intolerance for all things frilly and pink, a
preference for her brother's clothes and activities, and a temper
whenever thwarted. Patterson had sensed that the changes that made
Penelope happy--a short haircut and boys' clothes--were only the tip
of the iceberg. She was right. One day, when asked why she was
always angry, Penelope replied, "Because everyone thinks I'm a girl,
Mama--and I'm not."
As challenging as wrapping her mind around and helping her
family accept the identity that would make Penelope feel comfortable
in his own skin would be, Patterson had an even bigger mandate. How
could she help create a world in which people who did not fit the
gender binary would be safe and valued? How much of her family's
privacy would she be able to give up to be an advocate? How could she
deal with the Blacks who saw her as being distracted from the more
pressing problems related to racism?
"Everything else, then, is 'white people's problems.' These are
the soft issues--issues that often deal with the emotional life, and
as such should be relegated to side conversations and spoken of only
behind closed doors, if at all...it's a conversation that,
historically, we just haven't had time for. Why? Because we still
exist in a time when Black lives don't matter."
In The Bold World Patterson deals candidly and insightfully with
the complexities and intersectionalities of her evolving life. This
makes the book a must read for all of us navigating the complex and
intersectional world we call twenty-first century America.
On a purrrsonal note, today is a celebration in my household. Today
is the third anniversary of Tobago's adoption from Waterville Humane
Society. I have a special treat planned for both of us. Today I will
have a tuna sandwich and share the tuna with my little sidekick. To a
cat nothing says party on like albacore tuna. My eating habits have
changed a lot recently. I've gone from what do I want? to what is in
danger or being discarded? This morning I shared leftover mashed
potatoes with Tobago.
Much to her credit, unlike the many cats I see in memes, Tobago has no
interest whatsoever in shredding toilet paper. What she attacks and
tries to devour is lined paper. This makes it a challenge for me. It
isn't good for her. Plus last semester the laptop that was given me
committed electronic suicide, taking out the few documents I had
entrusted to it. Once burned, twice wary. As much as I like
Mathilda, I am making sure I have a tangible copy of everything I
write. (Jules)
Those hoomans outside my window. What are they doing? They are not
staying six feet away from each other. Haven't they heard about
coronavirus? Haven't they heard about science? Will life ever be
normal again? I miss the days when Corona was bubbly stuff my hoomans
liked to drink. (Tobago)
Tobago and Jules Hathaway



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