Text Me When You Get Home

Text Me When You Get Home

Adult nonfiction
The second semester of my first full term pregnancy I took a
class on journalistic ethics taught by Kathryn Olmstead. I loved that
class. Ethics is a passion verging on obsession of mine. The
carefully chosen readings gave me important insights. And the class
discussions they engendered were amazing. The last day of class I
informed her that although she was no longer going to be my professor
she was going to stay on as my friend...
...the daughter I was pregnant with is about to turn 30.
Kathryn and don't see each other nearly as often. But we've been
there for the seasons of each other's lives. While I raised my
children she founded and ran a magazine, Echoes. A few years ago we
both spoke at a treasured friend's funeral. If somehow I run into her
tomorrow we'll be able to easily take up where we left off. It just
goes to show...
...I'm a hard, hard habit to break. Just kidding. It shows
that, no matter what society says to the contrary, women's friendships
are essential, empowering, resilient, and beautiful. It's the theme
of Kayleen Schaefer's Text Me When You Get Home. The title comes from
something she often hears women tell one another.
"'Text me when you get home' is not an aggressive rallying cry
like the anti-Donald Trump, pro-woman 'This pussy grabs back," but it
does mark a sea change. It's a way women are saying, through our care
for each other, that our friendships are not what society says that
they are. We're reclaiming them. We're taking them back from the
shitty words they've been smothered by so long."
If you're a woman (or gender fluid like me) did you grow up
being taught that childhood was the only time in which it was ok to
put time and energy and love into best friendships, that you couldn't
really trust other girls and women--it was all about competition for
the guys, or that plans made to do something with female friends was a
meager substitute for tending to husband, children, and career? Do
you know in your heart of hearts that those ideas are really messed
up? Do you have female friendships you treasure and prioritize? If
so, I highly recommend Kayleen Schaefer's Text Me When You Get Home.
It beautifully interweaves several strands. There's the way society
has been all divide and conquer in regard to women. There's the
scientific evidence that women, even female white rats, cope with
stress with a "tend and befriend" response rather than a fight or
flight one. There are the experiences of the many women she
interviewed and the way female friendships are now becoming valued in
popular media. And there is her own very intimate narrative.
I would strongly urge women and gender fluids to read this book
and to share it with besties, maybe over some some fine wine and
gourmet chocolates. It's a celebration of our collective awesomeness.
On a purrrsonal note, I've always needed, fallen hard for, and
prioritized the wonderful girls and women in my life. Reading the
book brought back beautiful memories of Holly and Candice who lived up
the street from me when my children were young. Coffee and
conversation, movies, card games, parties...it was always a good time
to visit the ladies and their fabulous felines. There was trust and
authenticity and a wicked sense of humor. My kids were always
surrounded by love there. Even when money was low they got Christmas
presents and seasonal treats. We were all about supporting each
other. When their cats gifted them with still live snakes I was on
call for serpant relocation. And when I ran for school committee they
recruited my NASCAR voters--hosting viewing parties and talking up
voting for me during commercials. We could all laugh at my kids' DARE
fueled concerns that they were enabling me to become an alcoholic.
Now I'm in a very good place friend wise. I have a trinity of
besties, Mazie, Lisa, and Jodi, whom I can count on in any
situation. I have sone really close school and work chums. And the
women in my program are super supportive, especially my advisor.
Then there's my little Tobago cat and the wise woman, my manager,
Anna, who brought us together. Out of the goodness of her heart she
drove me all the way to the Waterville Humane Society and told me to
take all the time I needed two days before Christmas! If that isn't
friend awesomeness I don't know what is.
A great big shout out goes out to the friends past and present who
have made me who I am today.
jules hathaway




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