The Opposite Of Spoiled

The Opposite Of Spoiled

Parenting
I was three or four. It was winter. My father and I were
looking in store windows. Suddenly I saw the most elegant set of doll
size dishes and cookware perfect down to utensils. It included all
kinds of foods. My father asked me if I wanted it.
Remember I was only 3 or 4.
We went right in the store. Dad told the clerk to wrap that
dish set right up for his little girl. The clerk commented that I
must be an awful good little girl to merit such a gift. Dad said I
certainly was. I was over the moon until we met up with Mom.
My mother was irate. If he was going to buy such a big gift he
should have saved it for Christmas. How would I learn the value of
money if he bought everything I desired? That day I learned that
money could make people very angry.
My money habits were a bone of contention for the rest of their
marriage. Each parent feared my becoming like the other--
irresponsible like my father or a killjoy like my mother. Dad went
out of his way to undermine Mom's efforts. He slipped me cash for
things mom wanted me to save my allowance for and even introduced me
to playing cards for money.
According to Ron Lieber, author of The Opposite Of Spoiled, many
parents grew up in households where money carried a lot of emotional
baggage. Some people are reticent about finance discussions. Some
want to shield kids from the more sordid aspects of life, to them be
innocent longer.
"Silence around money also happens to be a strategy many of us
learned from our elders. Old-fashioned parents who shut us up when we
asked about money did this for any number of reasons. They may have
been only one or two generations removed from an age when many
American men didn't even tell their wives how much money they made or
had. Or perhaps they'd grown up hearing stories about the Depression
and didn't want their own kids even wondering about money, because
wonder is just one or two short steps from worry..."
Whatever the reason, if you evade your children's money
questions, Lieber thinks you are going in the wrong direction. Kids
are curious about money. If you make yourself unapproachable when the
topic comes up, they have other places to turn. Think Internet.
Also, probably well before you're ready for it to happen, they're
making weighty money decisions on their own.
Lieber sees money talks as opportunity, not burden. They can be
yet another way to help your children develop a sound values system.
He gives a good basic guideline and answers to some frequently asked
questions. He includes the experiences of a quite diverse group of
families.
If you have children who haven't yet flown the nest, The
Opposite Of Spoiled is a wise investment.
On a personal note, my yesterday was all about blood donating. I
donated right off and then was able to work the canteen, setting
donors up with food, drinks, and tee shirts and monitoring them for
signs that would require the help of a nurse. We had a good crowd and
lots of great conversations. We had the most divine pineapple pizza.
My friend Joanne gave me a ride right to my door, saving me walking
from the bus stop in a snow storm. I was happy to spend the evening
reading and snacking with Joey cat.
A great big shout goes out to our Red Cross people, all volunteers and
donors, Joanne, and, of course, good companion cat Joey.
jules hathaway


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