the impossible knife of memory

the impossible knife of memory

YA fiction
"I blink and I forget why I walked into the room. I forget why
I am driving on this road. The remembering takes up every breath
until there is no room for today. I pour a drink, ten drinks, so I
can forget that I have forgotten today. I smoke. Choke down pills.
Pray. Eat. Sleep. Shit. Curse."
Andy, father of Hayley, protagonist of Laurie Halse Anderson's
the impossible knife of memory, has been through Hell and never
returned. He went to war a good soldier and officer, believing in
America and the rightness of its mission. What he experienced tore
him apart. For example, there is a description of firing into a house
supposedly full of insurgents, only to find it contained women and
children, seeing a tiny blood stained hand. He's physically safe in
America, but his mind is trapped in a recurring loop of his worst and
most terrifying memories. He can't take care of himself, never mind
the teen age daughter he is the sole parent of.
As the story opens Andy and Hayley have settled down in his
grandmother's house after years of long distance trucking, of trying
to outrun Andy's memories. Hayley hasn't been in school since about
middle school. Now, as a high school senior, she's in very foreign
territory. Academics, particularly precalculus, aren't going too
well. Her guidance counselor is pushing her to adjust and get on the
college bound track. And, oh yeah, when she goes home she is never
sure what shape her dad will be in. Will he have skipped work? Spent
the day drinking? Maybe worse?
In Hayley's mind, most of her classmates exist in an entirely
different plane of existence. "Maybe that's why I want to slap so
many of the zombies; they had no idea how freaking lucky they were.
Lucky and ignorant, happy little rich kids who believed in Santa Claus
and the tooth fairy and thought that life was supposed to be fair."
Life certainly isn't fair to her. By all indications her dad is
getting more trapped in his past and less predictable. His alcoholic
ex girlfriend may be trying to reenter the picture. How can she hold
things together?
Although Andy and Hayley are fictitious characters, their
situation is only too real. A lot of kids come home from school to
dads or moms who have been deeply scarred by tours of duty. Not only
is it terribly painful to see a loved one suffering terribly, but
sometimes there is the need for the child to parent the parent. the
impossible knife of memory is another very thought provoking and
eminently well worth reading novel from an author who specializes in
bringing up topics most people would rather ignore.
On a personal note, spring seems to have finally arrived in Maine.
Ginormous snow mountains are being reduced to puddles. Grass and
flowers are poking up through the ground. Robins are bobbing around
in search of worms. My long haired cat is shedding clouds of fur.
And my construction worker hubby is tossing mud caked clothes into the
hamper. Friday, April 12, was my first bare foot day of the year.
Until probably November I'll wear shoes only where they're required.
Actually walking outside bare foot is very good for maintaining
balance. I'm in no hurry to incur a bone breaking fall and get
sentenced to rehab.
A great big shout out goes out to all our nation's wounded warriers
and the people who love them.
Julia Emily Hathaway


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